15 September 2007

Thoughts: Now I Get It

Matt 6:16-18 "Moreover, when you do fast, do not be like the hypocrites, with a sad countenance. For they disfigure their faces that they may appear to men to be fasting. Assuredly I say to you, they have their reward. But you, when you fast, anoint your head and wash your face, so that you do not appear to ment to be fasting, but to your Father who is in the secret place; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you openly."

Matt 6:22-23 "The lamp of the body is the eye. If therefore your eye is good, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If therefor ethe lgiht that is i you is darknes,s how great is that darkness."

Matt 6:24 "No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or else he will be loyal to one and despise the other. you cannot serve God and mammon."

I Cor 7:32-35 "But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord - how he may please the Lord. But he who is married cares about the things of the world - how he may please his wife. There is a difference between a wife and a virgin. the unmarried woman cares about the things of hte Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the world - how she may please her husband. And this I say for your own profit, not that I may put a leash on you, but for what is proper, and that you may serve the Lord without distraction."

I have found that as Mike and I's wedding approaches, that I am thinking more and more like a married woman. I no longer have the freedom to do the things that I want to do. I must consider Mike and how he feels about this or that. I am no longer a free woman. Not just in things like buying this or that, but in Godly things as well. It's hard to explain.

Basically I feel like I am not as close to the Lord as I once was. I feel as if there is an invisible wedge that has been driven between me and the Lord and the Bible study and even how Mike and I's relationship used to be. It used to be that we lifted each up with Scripture all the time and prayed all the time together. My whole being was only how I might serve the Lord. And now I feel like it's how I might serve myself or serve the world or serve Mike. I want to go back, but I don't know how.

Moreover, I feel like my thoughts have been poisoned by impurities. I want to go back to the woman that I was when I wrote the blog about being captivated by Jesus and convicted about my purity.

I want to be pure for Christ. I want to serve Christ first. With my whole life. As I enter this new life as a married woman next month, I want to continue to put Christ in everything. It is a new way to put Christ first, I feel.

I still need to practice purity. I need to practice it more now than ever.

I talked to Thomas tonight. He was very encouraging. I shared with him some of the verses I used to say to avoid temtpation (I Cor 10:13, etc).

I need to say that over and over and over again. I Cor 10:13 "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful, He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bare. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way so that you can stand up under it."

It is only by the grace of God that Mike and I have not kissed (or done anything else). Only by the grace of God. He died for us, so that we might live. The least we can do is serve Him with our whole lives.

Matt 10:38 "And he who does not take his cross and follow after me is not worthy of Me."


The words of an Exile said...

My dearest Tegan,

I find myself traveling down the very same path as you, only at a different point. I too feel that even though I am separated on the other side of the world (where I am alone with God), I cannot help but find I am thinking of her. However, take comfort in this thing that was revealed to me; that I have found that the Lord can strengthen you in new ways in this changing arrangment. I have found that He empowers me now not just through our vertical relationship, but in the linear relationship I have with her, I have found strength that He is providing. That is the goodness of marriage. Paul said to avoid marriage if possible not because there are some that cannot reconcile this new paradime. Be vigilant that it does not endanger the relationship with your Father in heaven, but take joy and solice in what He has given you. A parter in accountablity that you can share all aspects of life with. This is what He has shown me, and what I hope will aid you in your struggle. My abounding affection and prayers are with you, my sister.

God be with us all.

Michelle said...

First of all, happy birthday!!

This part, right now, can be the easiest. You have less than a month left to get through. Can't you see that light at the end of the tunnel?

As far as your marriage relationship and relationship with God goes, serving your husband is a huge part of glorifying God. You don't have to be "split between two masters," if you will, because Mike is the head of the home, serving Christ, and it's your job to help him in that. It's what we, as women and as wives, have been called to do. It's of the utmost importance, however, to remember that your love for God has to make any other earthly relationship seem like hate. You have to take time away from Mike and from all of us (and from everything else in your life) to spend time with the Lord. And as much as you love Mike, in your mind you have to place God so far above him - not just a step above in priority, but five staircases and six ladders and a couple boxes above him.

Have you been able to identify what that "wedge" is? Because it really could be a lot of different things - impure thoughts, stress, nursing school. Just remember that you're marrying Mike because you two glorify the Lord better together than you do apart.

If you need to talk, give me a call. I'm pretty much always available. And once again, happy birthday! I'll see you this afternoon.

In Christ,

Tegan said...

Thank you Michelle for your reminder and your encouragement. You are right, we do glorify the Lord (in one way) by serving our husbands. I do look forward to that very much. I was writing to Kyle about his reply comment and I told him about two people glorifying Christ better together than apart. Mike and I life each other up with Scripture and prayer and minister to each other first and because of that, we really do glorify the Lord better together than apart. It is also my hope that our relationship can be a testament to Christ and living the pure life for Christ and a witness to others.

After I wrote this blog, I did talk with Mike about it and we read some verses together (over the phone) Eph 5:1-13; 1 Thes 4:1-7; Col 3:1-10; I Cor 6:19; 3:16. The Lord gave us renewed strength and renewed desire to serve Him first together.

We are almost there - less than a month to go. I think (hope) that we both fear the Lord too much to disobey and want to obey His word and His commandments to try anything now. It is so hard though. Almost there . . .

Thank you also for the birthday wishes! :)