31 July 2010


So M is getting ready to go TDY for a while - about 2 months. And we just moved here . . . so some in M's shop at work were a little concerned that I would be upset. M assured them that I was not upset about his leaving so soon. I guess some wives complain that their husband's are gone so much with this assignment. (Gone for a few weeks to a few months, home a few weeks, then gone, and so on.)

I was a bit put off that they think I'll be upset. Although they don't know me . . . so I guess they're going off of what other wives have said and done.

The way I look at it is this, and this is what I explained to Mike:

The Lord put M in this particular assignment for a reason - He has called M to this job. The Lord has called me to be M's wife and all the things that go with that (taking care of the kids and house and so on). If the Lord called M to this assignment, then the Lord knew that M would be gone a lot. I feel that the Lord has equipped me with the ability to hold down the fort at home, so to speak, while M is gone. So for me to get mad at M for being gone so much, which is his job, and he can't help it, would really be to get mad at the Lord for putting us in the position. Which I'm not going to do.

Yes, there are times when it will be frustrating. There are times when it will be difficult. I do have a 4 month old and a 16 month old . . . but it will not be impossible. Nothing is impossible with God (Luke 1:37). My God shall provide for all my needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus (Phil 4:19) and I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Phil 4:13).

The way I look at it is this: M was called to this job which means He was called to be gone a lot for the next four years which means that I have been called to support M in his mission (heavenly and earthly). I'm not going to get mad at my husband or complain that he's gone a lot because that is the nature of his job. I knew it was the nature of his job when I married him.

Women who are married to military guys and then get mad at their husbands because they have to leave is ridiculous. Yes, you can be mad at the situation, but it's not his fault that he has to go and getting mad at him is only going to make it harder for him and harder for you and harder for your children, if you have any. Why would a woman marry a man in the military if she couldn't handle the reality of the situation?

Maybe I just look at it a little differently than most . . .

18 July 2010

A brief word about plans

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans for a hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Whenever I have thought about this verse in the past, I have always thought that this included the physical realm of things. However, I have learned recently, that is not always the case. Sometimes, for the sake of the well being and plan of our spirit, the body must not do the opposite - that is not to prosper and to be harmed. Not necessarily always on purpose, but perhaps sometimes.

I came to this epiphany tonight as I reflected on this past weekend and what I had planned for it and what had actually transpired.

My plans: furiously unpack every box and set about setting up the house and making it feel like home as soon as possible. Mike was going to be the sole care-giver when it came to Sophie and Edward so that I could focus all my efforts on the house for these two days. I had lots of plans - I already knew where I wanted things put, with the exception of wall-hangings. Mike was in complete agreement with this plan.

The Lord's plan: sit on the couch, holding Edward and read Diana Jurgen's book "Wife a Soldier, a Journey of Faith" and the first part of Charles Colson's book "The Faith". Edward got to benefit from the Lord's plan as well since I read most of the books aloud to him (that might explain the sore throat!).

How this came about, well I have injured my knee, as previously written about. And instead of being stubborn and pushing through like I might normally do, I am actually listening to medical advice and staying off of my knee as much as possible. It's not always possible with a 15month old and a 3 month old, but I'm trying. And it really helped that Karen has been out to visit and stayed an extra 4 days to help out- her help was so much appreciated.

Since I have injured my knee, I have really had a hard time seeing how this could possibly be a good thing. I have been frustrated, I have been angry, I have been very very depressed - all of these emotions mostly because it limits my ability to care for my children. Through tears of desparation and almost despair, I emailed two very good friends and spiritual mentors seeking help. They gave me a new perspective of how to look at my situation and helped me to see that perhaps the Lord wants to me to draw closer to Him through all of this - that He is trying to get my attention and to get me to slow down.

At first the thought of having the ability to care of my children, for my husband and my home taken away from me caused me rather to rebell in anger towards the Lord. I view those areas of my life as my ministry. How can I have a ministry if it's taken from me? Last night was a really low point for me - I was extremely dejected and upset with the Lord. Basically I didn't like the lesson that He was giving me and I was fighting it. I know that this has boiled down to a spiritual issue because of the amount of battling that has been going on inside of me.

This morning, we went back to Desert Springs Church. The third or so song was "How Great Thou Art". I knew then that I must surrender my everything to the Lord, most especially this situation. As I sang "Then sings my soul, my Savior God to thee, how Great Thou Art, how Great Thou art", tears just came and I gave up my battle to the Lord. I could not worship the Lord, believing every word that I serve an awesome Savior whose IS so Great if I was rejecting His working in my life. He IS so great and I know He does have a great plan for me. Currently, I don't know what the distant future holds for that plan, but I know my near future (i.e. this week and perhaps the coming weeks) holds quiet meditation and reading and learning grace and learning how to appreciate the outpouring of help I am receiving from Kirtland PWOC and Desert Springs Church. (Help with bringing meals and childcare).

Now, does my knee feel better? No, not really. Actually it hurts more today. Does this mean that my knee will miracuously heal - I don't think. I still have to deal with the situation and I'm sure I'll have more moments of frustration. I just feel that for now, the victory is the Lords.

Praise be to the Lord, who works through all and in all for all!

10 July 2010

Knee update

So I have torn the meniscus in my left knee. The meniscus is the cartiledge in the knee cap that enables us to flex and extend our lower legs. When there is a tear, there is a piece of cartiledge that sticks up that keeps us from either flexing, or in my case, extending the leg. Bascially, as the PA explained to me, it locks up. Trying to move it will create further damage.

So what to do:
For now, lots and lots of ice, keeping my knee elevated, staying off it, not picking anything up since any weight adds extra strain to the knee, wearing shoes with support (i.e. tennis shoes - no more flip flops or shoes with no back), and using crutches to get around. Also no stairs, no hills and that kind of thing.

Good news: I don't need surgery right now (yay!). And I might be able to do shots in my knee (not looking forward to that!) for a while. I'll find out more information after I go to the orthopedic doctor.

I will need an MRI though to find out the extent of the damage - if it's really bad, then I will need surgery. As of right now though, it doesn't seem to be that bad.

Mike has been a huge help with Sophie and Edward - he took off work on Friday to help me around the hotel room and he's going to see about taking off some more after I go back to the doctor. And Dad and Karen happened to be visiting when this happened, so they have also been a huge help. They even canceled the second part of their vacation to the Grand Canyon to stay here in ABQ and help out. I am very thankful!

Lord willing I'll be able to get around better by the time Mike leaves for TDY in August . . . he'll be gone for 2.5 months. Don't know when exactly he's leaving yet or where he's going . . Well, I won't find out where he's going. Anyway . . we'll see what happens then.

07 July 2010

So, um, what am I supposed to do now??

So I was feeding Edward on the couch tonight and when I got up, I couldn't straighten my left knee or put any weight on it. At first I didn't think it was that big a deal, I'll just limp around for a little while and it will be all better . . .

Then I talked to Sam and gave her my symptoms and she said that's exactly what happened when she blew her knee out - feels out of place, can't straighten it or put any weight on it . . .

Okay, so I'll go to the doctor tomorrow and it'll be all better. No worries, right??

Then Edward gets hungry and I go to pick up and feed him. Hurts to carry him - that's extra weight, even limping. And that made my knee hurt even bent, which it wasn't doing before. And Sophie's even heavier. I'll have to pick her up to put in her pack n play at bedtime and naptime and take her out again, even if I don't carry her anywhere else.

How am I supposed to care for my babies if I can't pick them up or take them places?? I was going to go to the commissary tomorrow . . .and do laundry . . . which, since we're still in the hotel means I have to carry two laundry baksets downstairs to the 3rd floor (we're on the 4th). How am I supposed to do that????

Looking into the near future of next week - how am I supposed to unpack the house and get everything set up if I can't walk or carry things or pick them up??? How about getting upstairs to the bedrooms??

I'm not even going to think about why it might be doing this or the treatment to fix the problem.

I know I'm a big girl, but I think I might go cry . . .and pray really, really hard that it will be all better in the morning.