Tegan's Musings

The sound of music

2012-02-14T21:39:00.000-06:00

Sophie has really taken off with her talking. And singing. Our little Sophie-bug loves to sing.

She bursts into song pretty regularly and she doesn't sound bad (she must have gotten that from Mike and his Mom, Ruth.) I love to hear Sophie sing and I hope that Edward and Daphne will join her as they get older.

I'm really surprised when she knows almost all the words to a lot of songs that we sing together. I guess I shouldn't really be surprised, since we sing the same five or six songs almost every day.

You know the ones, "Jesus Loves Me", "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star", "This Little Light of Mine", etc. We do a lot of the signs to.

My singing on the other hand, is terrible. I love to sing, but love does not equate to talent. My singing is rather a form of torture to some people.

When my brother, Thomas, and I drove up to Kansas City together when he got re-called by the Marines, I wanted to talk to Thomas (knowing he'd be leaving fairly soon) and Thomas wanted to read (I was driving). He insisted on reading, so I put in a CD of Cher and starting singing.

A few notes in and Thomas threw his book down and exclaimed, "All right! All right! I'll talk!"

See - form of torture. Used to get ~~prisons~~ brothers in vehicles to communicate against their will.

This has also worked on men in my life in former (and present) relationships and my parents.

I recall my parents shouting up the stairs at me to "Stop singing! Play quietly!".

Luckily for me, our society has unspoken rules and no one has asked me to stop singing next to them at church or PWOC. :)

I hope that Sophie will not have my voice. I certainly intend to let her sing, even if she does get my voice talent, to her hearts' content as long as no one is trying to sleep or concentrate on a task at hand (like driving in heavy traffic or taking a test).

Humor of being a Mom

2012-02-14T21:29:00.003-06:00

My kids make me laugh. A lot. Maybe I just have silly kids, but they do.

Here's an example of what I'm talking about.

This morning Sophie, Edward and I were sitting down at the table having breakfast. I had Daphne sitting on my lap so she could be in on the conversation. Towards the end of breakfast, Daphne made it known that she needed her diaper changed. I finished my last two bites of cereal and then laid her down on the pack-n-play changing table behind my chair and started changing her diaper.

My back was facing Sophie and Edward.

Daphne was a bit fussy when I was changing her diaper. When this happens, I like to make funny faces or sounds to try and distract her. Today was no exception. So I'm changing Daphne's diaper and I'm saying "Mee-eennhh." Sort of like "Ni" in Monty Pythons Quest for the Holy Grail, but with an "m" sound.

Suddenly from behind me come two echos "Mee-eennhh" "mee-eennhh". Like little birds chirping, Sophie and Edward were repeating my silly sound to Daphne.

It just struck me as hilarious. Here I was changing my daughter's diaper, and my other children are hanging on my every word, or in this case, sound.

Of course, a lot of days, I have a little copier following me around. Sophie is at that age where she copies everything that Mike and I say and do. (Now is not the time to let a bad word slip, if you know what I mean.)

From the copier has reported, I apparently say or do the following a lot:
"Goodness!"
"Oh my gosh!"
Sigh dramatically while wiping up messes.
Throw things over the banister at the top of the stairs (like laundry).
"Good grief!"
Read a lot.

You really find out a lot about how you really act when you have a toddler/preschooler in your home. This can be good or bad. I think I'm somewhere in the middle . . .

Do your kids make you laugh? :)

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Parenting

2012-02-14T21:18:00.000-06:00

I think there is this unspoken standard amongst mothers and it has a pass or fail bar.

You might know what I'm referring to.

You're a good mother (pass) if your child is drinking from a sippy and not a bottle by the time they are twelve months old.

You're a bad mother (fail) if your child is still in diapers by the time they are three.

You're a good mother (pass) if your children listen to you in public and act respectively.

You're a bad mother (fail) if you don't [at least try to] breastfeed your children.

The list goes on and on. Anyone out there relate?

Most of the time I feel like I fail this invisible standard among mothers. I feel like I fail my own standards that I have for myself so often. I know this line of thinking isn't really healthy, but sometimes I can't help it.

I'm attempting to potty train both Sophie and Edward right now and some days are good and some not so good and some just downright bad. Edward is nice and content to sit on the potty, and pee on the potty, and then run around and play. He actually gets that part better than Sophie does. Sophie on the other hand knows when she has to go potty, but holds it. And holds it. And holds it. I finally got her to pee in the potty today after about a week of trying. I knew she had to go because she had been asking for a diaper change for about two hours. So I had her sitting on the potty and I started tickling her. Sure enough, it worked.

Sophie earned her two Cars stickers.

This potty training thing is not as easy as it looks in the Help.

I'm not sure where I was going with the whole invisible yardstick of society thing, except that I feel like one exists. I've read other blogs where some moms feel the same way. Especially when it comes to breastfeeding. Breastfeeding is really hard. Most of us out there need help at some time or another. I know I need a lot of help.

Anyway, so what aspects of parenting do you struggle with?

Here it comes . . .

2012-02-14T21:08:00.000-06:00

In the past month, I have learned that Mike has an extended TDY coming up fairly soon to a remote location (but not a hot, sandy remote location). It's called an extended TDY because he'll be gone for a few months. Not really sure what the difference is between this TDY and a deployment, except perhaps the place.

There is a slight chance that he won't have to go, but I'm not counting on it.

My usual attitude towards any TDY's and deployments, not that he's been on an actual deployment yet, is that he's gone when the plane is off the ground. With him in it. There are so many times when things get canceled or changed at the last minute that I have learned that there is just no point in doing some major stressing until after the fact.

Of course, I am human who happens to be in love with this man who is leaving on a jet plane. So the thought of him being gone for so long is almost always in my mind somewhere. Sometimes in the forefront of my mind, other times the thought it just sitting on the back burner, stewing. Either way, I do think about it. A lot.

I've been trying to think about it in a positive light though. First, there's the place that he's going. It's a once in a life time opportunity (I admit it, I am very envious). I'm also trying to be happy for him.

Second, I've been setting some goals. I really want to get our finances in order. Read: stick to the budget. Every month that he is gone. AND pay down my student loans as much as I can. I plan on applying all unused funds, such as gas for the truck that we won't be driving, insurance on the truck that we won't be paying, lunch money Mike won't be spending, etc, towards said student loans.

Third, (also a goal), I want to read the Lord of the Rings trilogy while he is gone. I figure I'll get lots of reading time after the kids are in bed before I pass out ~~exhausted~~, mildly tired.

Fourth, I want to borrow from Sarah Smiley's idea and have over a different guest/guest family every week. I'm thinking Thursday or Friday nights.

I think I have a few other wish items that I may or may not turn into goals. Such as keeping the house clean, starting and keeping up with the garden, having Daphne sleeping either in the room with Sophie and Edward, or in her own bed, and having Sophie completely potty trained (and hopefully Edward too).

Lofty aspirations, I know. But hey, it will keep me busy, right?

When I first found out that Mike was going to be gone for so long, I had planned to circumnavigate the middle and eastern part of the United States visiting friends and family. By myself. With a three year old, a two year old and an almost one year old. I came to my senses though and realized not only would that be a tad dangerous, but probably really stressful. So that plan got nixed.

I am hoping to make it up to South Dakota, but it is a two day drive from here and again there's the three children so young . . . who don't always listen . . . and like to occasionally run away from me . . .yeah . . . we'll see.

I also thought about flying to Florida, but after I thought that one through, that is definitely not happening. Three young children on an airplane, and we won't all be able to sit together either, yeah. Completely not happening. At all. Not by myself anyway. I'd rather drive.

So I'll be posting updates eventually when all of this comes about. It's not for a while. Who knows what can happen in the meantime?

Prayer Request

2012-02-13T12:20:00.001-06:00

I found out from BlogHer that the author of the book The Magic Room (that I reviewed for BlogHer) was tragically killed in a car accident over the weekend. Please keep his family, especially his wife and daughters, in your prayers as they go through very tough time.

Link up for a book give away!

2012-01-31T20:46:00.001-06:00

Hi there Readers!

My great friend Sierra is giving away a book on her blog! Click here to check out her review and view the rules for entering. You can enter every day through Sunday! :D

It definitely looks like an amazing story! (Sierra, I hope I can borrow your copy if I don't win a copy.) :)

What a week

2012-01-20T22:14:00.001-06:00

You know that New Year's Resolution I made? Yeah. Didn't last one week. Not one. Pesky resolutions . . . I knew it would be a bad idea . . .

I was sick this week. There is this stomach bug going around and it has stopped by our house three times so far this season. Just to see me! How sweet! Fortunately it only lasted about 24 hours. Also fortunately the kids have only been sick once. Mike's had it twice.

And yes, I vacuumed up all the crackers crumbs that the kids left on the carpet. Okay, okay. They aren't totally to blame. I ate a lot of crackers too. And we watched three movies. In one day. I just wanted to sleep, but that wasn't really an option until nap time .. .

Because I was sick on Tuesday, I didn't go to PWOC on Wednesday. I do that whole 24 hour rule that exists for sick kids. I figure it carries over into adulthood too. I was so sad to miss PWOC. Sniff sniff.

I was also really sad to miss my weekly break from the kiddos. SNIFF. SNIFF. And boy did I need it. I needed to connect with other women.

So while I was at home Wednesday morning, even though I was feeling better, I was playing some music for the kids on the DVD player and we were dancing around the living room like we do (yes, this white woman cannot dance) and I was swinging Edward around as we were dancing. My body rebelled.

And I strained/pulled something in my shoulder/chest. I say shoulder/chest because it felt like both areas, although later I realized it was really more in my shoulder. So then I couldn't pick up anything up the rest of the day without it hurting quite a bit. Makes for tense nursing!

Boy do I feel old! Straining something while picking my toddler up. So he weights a quarter of my weight. Still. Or maybe it's just that I'm so out of shape. Anyhoo. . .

I was really hoping to be able to go to Heartlink on the base today (Friday). I do want to go for the material, but my biggest reason right now for going was to get a break from the kids. I'd have Daphne with me, but Sophie and Edward would have gone to the CDC for the day. For free! And I've been trying to take a Heartlink class for years. It's a really cool class for mil spouses where they go over all kinds of military stuff. And I hear you get a coin. In the past, something has always come up and I've had to cancel. At least four times, probably five. This time was no exception. Except nothing exactly came up. When I called to sign up for the class, the lady handling the childcare part was out sick. When she called me back, I missed the call. I called her back twice, but she never called me back. Maybe she was sick again. Either way, I couldn't go without my kids being signed up for the childcare. So no Heartlink class. No break. No cool mil spouse stuff. Sniff sniff

This morning was just bad. I just had these overwhelming feelings of being an epic failure in everything wife and mother. Especially mother. And I seem to be offending friends right and left. Sometimes the feelings of not having it all together are just too much. Let's just say there was lots of crying. From all four of us.

And lately I've been doing a lot of thinking about time and life. You only get one life. One shot to do life. One chance. The older I get, the more I think about it, and the more I feel like a failure.

It's not that I have a bad life, because I don't. I just have all these pesky expectations that I never met that keep popping up in my face. My life just doesn't look at all like I thought it would. I don't have a Bachelor's degree. I don't have a career. I haven't done anything "great" with my life.

There's also this legalistic box I seem to put myself into. Sometimes I feel like I really understand the freedom of Christ, the freedom from the law. Other times I feel like that was just an illusion and I'm trapped by all these rules and expectations of what a "good Christian woman" should look like and be and do. It's rather suffocating. And today was one of those days. And I just caved and sat on the kitchen floor and cried.

Oh yes. I'm back there again.

Last week I felt so free in Christ. This week I feel like I'm a slave to the law of Christ. And not in a good way. Now I'm super tense and have a horrible headache and a guilt trip the size of Canada (no offense Canadians, you just have a rather large landmass area, so I'm making use of it) because of how I treated my precious children today. Not to mention Mike.

I really hope next week is better.

Stationery card

2012-01-17T22:57:00.001-06:00

Top 10 Loves Valentine's Card

Create holiday cards that create smiles. :)

View the entire collection of cards.

Military Monday Blog Hop

2012-01-16T22:28:00.001-06:00

It's a Military Blog Hop! :) Join me over at Semper Wifey to link up with some more MilSpouse blogs! :)

iPhones and illegal working conditions

2012-01-16T21:33:00.003-06:00

Yes, that title is "iPhones and illegal working conditions".

Most Americans are aware that iPhones are not manufactured in the United States; they are manufactured in China. Most electronics, and a whole lot of other products, are made in China.

I read an article today in the Washington Post about iPhones and the labor conditions that workers, as young as 12 years old, have to endure. So we rich Americans can have our little devices with all their apps and get online whenever we want to update our status on FB.

I don't have an iPhone currently, and after reading this article, I don't plan to ever buy one.

There are an abundance of social injustices in our world. Child labor is one of them. It's great that Americans are fortunate enough to live in a country that has seen fit to outlaw child labor (and with good reason). I find it extremely ironic though that American still support child labor through the sales of a plethora of household items. iPhones being one of them.

These children who help to make iPhones (usually working on a part of the product) are as young as twelve years old and work 12-16 hour days. According to the article, a Chinese working hour is 60 minutes. Read: no breaks. In the US, a minor that is working has to take a 15 minute break every four hours and have a one hour break for lunch every eight hours. Chinese minors are not as fortunate. And they only make about 70 cents an hour. You can click here for a list of articles from varying sites about Apple and the working conditions in the factories that make their products. Apparently 62% of factory workers building Apple products break the 60-hour work week.

The hypocrisy just makes me so angry. Now, if you own an iPhone and are reading this and know me personally, fear not, I will not go up to you and dump water on your iPhone. Here and now though, I want to encourage you to not buy any Apple products in the future. And to research before you buy other electronics. I know I'm going to.

Sound off: what do you think? How does this make you feel about your iPhone? Will you buy another one in the future?

The Great Nurse-In

2012-01-16T21:09:00.002-06:00

Mike and I want to travel east next summer, we're thinking Maine to Florida east (and lots of places in between), and I found yet another reason to visit "back east". (Yes, it some ways it feels like we live in the Wild West and it's a long way "Back East".)

The Great Nurse-In. Otherwise known as the Million Boob March. Yes. That's right. The Million Boob March. For any guys reading, it's to support breast-feeding, not a sexual fetish display thing on the Mall.

I read an article here about this event that is going to happen in the middle of National Breast-feeding Week in Washington, D.C. next summer. The event is currently scheduled for August 4th. The name is not set in stone yet either.

I just might have to squeeze in a short trip to D.C. into our itinerary!

The woman behind this event is a mom of two who wants to support breast-feeding in public. Her name is Rachael Papantonakis and she is tired of hearing about public breast-feeding discrimination.

I have to agree with her, I'm tired of it too. I have not been discriminated against when I nurse Daphne out in public, but I'm always weary of getting nasty looks and I have friends who have been discriminated against.

Breast-feeding is a natural, healthy, nurturing way to take care of your child. I know that not every woman can nurse their child (been there, done that, twice); those that can should be able to do so wherever they want. Without getting some negative comment or belittling look.

I think that the whole idea of breast-feeding being thought of as nasty or gross goes back to how over-sexed and out of touch with reality our society and culture is. Breasts are not just for sex. Don't get me wrong, they are for that too, but when you have an infant child (or even a toddler) and are able to breast-feed, they are for nutritional purposes too.

Our society is so engrossed with sex; we're saturated with it. Advertising. TV. Radio (ever heard some raunchy morning shows?), food. Clothing. Magazines. Books. Movies. Music. The list goes on. So it's only naturally that such an over-saturation can twist the real meaning and purpose behind sex. But that's another rant. Err, soapbox discussion.

Mainstream society is also (in my opinion) rather anti-child. So if society is anti-child, it only follows that there would be those who would be against breast-feeding too.

So really it makes sense that some people think breast-feeding is gross, etc. I think they are rather ignorant and uniformed about the beautiful relationship and bonding that is taking place between a mother and a child. Yes, there are a lot of other ways to bond with a child. Although I find that now that I can breastfeed my child, after not being able to nurse the first two, there is no other mother-child bond quite like it.

So spread the word about the Great Nurse-In and if you are able to make it Washington, D.C. next August, make an appearance to show your support for breast-feeding, whether you're a nursing mom or not. :)

Life Update

2012-01-16T19:45:00.000-06:00

Hmm . .. what to write, what to write. . . . ever have a moment like that? You want to write, but you're not sure what to write about?

We {finally} took the tree down. Yay! Now we are 98% through with putting away the Christmas decorations! All I have to do now is bring the stocking holders upstairs and put them in the closet. And move the bin of Christmas decorations from the kitchen where it is currently functioning as additional counter space, to the garage, where it will function as collector of dust until next Christmas.

I've been working on projects in the house and I feel like I'm getting there. Mike has been a huge help in this. The tree is down (cross one off the list!), and we have the jumper set up for Daphne (cross another one off the list!). Today was also an incredibly productive day. I love those days! We started with a great breakfast of blueberry pancakes and scrambled eggs (I burned some of the pancakes! And then I almost burned up a pan because I turned the wrong burner off. Boy did the kids get a scare with the giant cloud of smoke!) Anyway . . . I got the dishes done, got five loads of laundry washed with two of them put away, I made two loaves of bread, menu-planned and went grocery shopping and a made a healthy lunch. All right! And I got a shower in! Score one for me!

Daphne went through four different outfits today with the exploding poopie diapers. Haven't had one of those days since Sophie was a tiny baby! We ran out of the size one diapers today, so she's in size 1-2 now. My baby is growing up!! Sob, sob, sniff, sniff.

Sophie is getting so tall. I'm going to have to move her to 3T clothes before her third birthday. Most of her pants are looking like high waters on her. And she is talking up a storm, with lots of sentences. She has the quite the little sense of humor too.

Edward is just hilarious and adorable and inquisitive, all at the same time. He was pretty tired today (the kids didn't nap again, and at dinner he was resting his chin on his hand, while he was chewing. So his head was bobbing up and down on his hand. And then Sophie got really upset at dinner because she wanted down after one bite and we wouldn't let her get down. So Edward covered both of his ears with his hands, then looked at me, then glanced at Sophie and raised his eyebrows, and looked back at me. I found it to be quite amusing.

Sophie and Edward are really into the "Signing Time" videos right now. Daphne is too, when she can watch them, which I try not to let her too often. Since watching the four videos that we have, Sophie and Edward have learned how to sign: potty, time, wipe, clean, soap, water, train, wet, dry, hungry, cheese, bread, apple, bath, twinkle, star, body, amazing, signing, singing, dancing, playing, sun, day, new and more. I can't remember all the other ones. Yes, it's that many! Those videos are amazing!! And the tunes are really catchy. Mike and I find ourselves singing them all day.

Well, I think that is all for now on family life. :)

Mike's got a new blog!

2012-01-16T19:27:00.005-06:00

So my wonderful husband, who is a great writer by the way, has started a blog of his own! (To his family - yes, it's his second blog, but he wanted to start fresh and new.)

Here's the link to it, so please hop on over and check out what he has to say! He's calling it "The Inquiries of a Layman Scientist". :D

BookMark Break Challenge 2012

2012-01-14T21:16:00.002-06:00

Here is my list of books I've read in 2012:

Okay, so I haven't finished a book yet this year . . . I'll get there.

On my reading list (as of 14 January):
The Holy Bible
A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens
The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie OMartian
Amy Carmichael by Janet and Geoff Benge
Becoming More than a Good Bible Study Girl by Lysa Terkeurst
Adopted for Life by Russell Moore

2012 Book Challenge

2012-01-14T21:05:00.005-06:00

I came across this at my friend Sierra's blog, so I decided to check it out. I have to say I'm pretty excited!

Who's Your Editor is hosting a book-reading challenge for this year. All you have to do is keep track of how many books you read on your blog (they have to be over 100 pages and school books and rereads count) and then link up with her.

I have been wanting to post all the titles I read in 2011 as well, so I might just list those too, even though they won't count. It'll be good motivation, maybe beat last years list kind of thing. :)

So if you want to join in, head on over HERE.

Faithful Bloggers - Supporting Missionaries

2012-01-13T18:00:00.000-06:00

I am linking up with Faithful Bloggers today and the Faithful Blogging Prompt this week is: How do you support missionaries?

I must confess, I mostly support missionaries by prayer. I know prayer is no little thing, prayer can move mountains.

It's just that when you hear the term supporting missionaries, you mostly think in terms of money. My husband and I do give a small gift above our tithing to the missionaries from our church, Desert Springs, but that is actually my husband.

When I get some extra funds, which isn't often, I try to support Hope for Honduras. I went to Tegucigalpa in 2007 and Ron and Shelley are often on my minds, as are the people in the colonia. I wish I could support them financially more often. So I do a lot of praying instead.

Mike and I also try to give to Prison Fellowship a few times a year, especially their Angel Tree ministry. And we support a child through World Vision.

I hope that by sharing and linking up with these wonderful people, that I can help to support them by word of mouth.

How do you support missions? Leave a comment with a link to your blog here or on the Faithful Bloggers website. :)

Free From Fear

2012-01-13T17:45:00.003-06:00

I have to tell you, I have been living a really fearful life in the last few months. I realized this week how much fear had a hold on me, and it was quite the hold, let me tell you.

The thing about fear is that it can start so small and innocent and before you know, it has oozed into huge aspects of your life, especially your thought life, until it is paralyzing you. The Bible speaks about fear, and I know this, but for some reason, the fear that I have been dealing with in the past few months, I sort of thought that what the Bible says about fear didn't really apply. You know, because my fear is bigger than God. (What a sinner I am!)

This week, God showed me that He is bigger than my fear. And He can take away my fear, all I have to do is trust in Him.

So what is this fear I have had the last few months you ask?

I'll give you a hint. It has to do with pregnancy.

No, I am not pregnant.

I am afraid of getting pregnant again.

No big deal you might say. Use birth control. There's a problem with that for me. I have a very strong conviction about using hormonal birth control. So skip the pill, the patch and the IUD. Okay, I did get other contraception (a diaphragm - sorry for the TMI), but I hate using it. It hurts. Pain kinda kills the mood you know. So get fixed. No can do. Too afraid.

So how have I been dealing with this issue? By avoiding sex at almost all costs. And any kind of affection, that might in any way, lead to sex. I know this is a bit bold, but this is my blog and I'm putting it out there.

I realized I had come to a point in my life where I was too afraid to get a tubal because I was afraid it wouldn't be in God's will to get permanently fixed or that I wouldn't be able to nurse Daphne any more, but I was also too afraid to have sex in case we did get pregnant because I really don't think my body can handle carrying another child. I still have a lot of pain and my body is just worn out. And it shows. Every day. Three kids in 28 months will really take it out of you. Literally. Fear had paralyzed me and the one who was really suffering because of it was my husband, and therefore our marital relationship. Okay, so we were both suffering. And if Mommy and Daddy aren't happy, chances are good that the kids aren't either. There's a cascade effect going on here.

You see, sex is the glue that holds a marriage together. Sex is the sacred bond that brings a man and a woman together in a way that nothing else on earth can. Sex is the ultimate connection. And when you don't have that on a regular basis, you can start to drift apart. Little things start to wear on your nerves. And the next thing you know you're snapping at each other for the pettiest stuff. It's not good. For either person. And don't even get me started on the temptation that you are allowing to enter into the relationship.

I had a really good conversation with a very trusted friend who helped me realize that God loves to give us choices. There doesn't have to be one set path in life that if we don't follow exactly, we're not following God's will. It's okay to choose different things as long as we are not sinning in our choices.

This also helped me realize that fear is not in God's plan for us and that fear gives Satan a strong hold in our lives. I had let Satan have a foothold, not only in my life, but in my marriage to Mike as well and he had used to fear as that foothold. If not getting my tubes tied meant living a life of fear, then it probably wasn't the Lord's will.

So I released my fear of getting my tubes tied to the Lord and scheduled an appointment for a consult.

There's a second part to this fear thing though. I was still afraid to have sex because I might get pregnant. Last night the Lord revealed to me how much that was hurting my husband. The love of my life. My best friend. I realized that Mike had been feeling rejected as a man and as a husband because of my fear to be intimate with him. Ouch. Having my husband feel rejected, and possibly tempted, because I was too afraid to have sex with him is also not the Lord's will.

So I turned that over to the Lord as well. We're still going to use protection, but now I am trusting in the Lord that we won't get pregnant. And if we do get pregnant before I get my tubes tied, then it will be okay because the Lord will take care of us. He's got us in His hands and He is not going to give us more than we can handle.

Lesson learned: if you have a little fear in your life, before you know it, that fear can work its' way into huge aspects of your life and the next thing you know you're paralyzed with it and because of it. And you're hurting the people around you that you care about and love the most. So don't be afraid, trust in the Lord. Give your fear to Him. He can handle it. You can't.

"The Lord watches over you -
the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.
The Lord will keep you from all harm -
he will watch over your life;
the Lord will watch over your coming and going
both now and forever more."
Psalm 121:5-8

Tegan's Taco Soup

2012-01-10T18:38:00.001-06:00

It's time for another recipe! I'm linking up with Premeditated Leftovers for her Hearth and Soul bloghop. Head over there and join me for some great recipes!

I am a big fan of tacos, and since it is winter and we are in full soup and stew season swing, I decided to turn my tacos into a soup! I did try to look for a few taco soup recipes, but I didn't find exactly what I was looking for, so I decided to wing it. I like winging it in the kitchen - if you haven't done it before, you should try it. :)

I made this recipe the other night when we had some friends over for dinner. They really enjoyed it (they even asked for the recipe - a great compliment!). I served it in the pot on the table with tortilla chips, cheddar cheese and sour cream on the side. I think the lime made all the difference in the world from previous taco soup recipes I've made. And the three toddlers (two of mine and our friend's) ate it as well.

Tegan's Taco Soup

(I do apologize in advance for not having a picture, I'll have to come back later and add one in the next time I make it).

Ingredients:

1 lb ground hamburger

cayenne pepper (~1/2 tsp)

cumin (~1 tbsp)

paprika (~1-2 tbsp)

2 limes

1 (16oz) can black beans

1 (16 oz) can diced tomatoes

2 fresh roma tomatoes, diced

corn (~1 cup)

water

cheddar

sour cream

tortilla chips

Put it together:

In a large pot brown the hamburger, seasoning with cayenne (a little, unless you want a spicy taco soup, then add more), cumin, paprika and the juice of one lime. Drain the hamburger and return to pot.

Add the beans, undrained, and tomatoes, also undrained and the fresh diced tomatoes to the pot. Add about 3 cups of water. Bring to a boil.

When water comes to a boil, add the corn and the juice of the second lime. I use frozen corn. If you're using canned corn, drain the corn.

Simmer on low about 20 minutes.

Serve with tortilla chips, cheese and sour cream.

Enjoy! :D

Is Marriage Obsolete?

2012-01-09T15:59:00.002-06:00

Is marriage obsolete? That is the discussion this week for "The Magic Room" on Blogher.

I know there are people out there who would like to think that marriage is obsolete, but I am not one those people.

Marriage is the bedrock of our society. It is the cornerstone of a productive family. Marriage is a covenant.And not just with your spouse - it's a sacred oath of threeship with your spouse and God.

Yes, marriage is hard. Yes, there are times when you might want to get out. Marriage is about commitment. You commit to loving a person, no matter how hard that might be at times. You commit to stay, for better or worse. Sometimes the worse is really, really bad. The better can be so sweet and wonderful though. You teach your children that when the going gets tough, you still stick around. You don't back down. You don't quit just because it's hard. You are living the idea that people are worth it; that a person deserves a second (and third and fourth) chance if they mess up. When two people stay in a marriage and work through the hard times and look forward to the good times, they are model of hope. Hope that things can, and will, get better. Hope that it doesn't always have to be that way. Hope that you can change.

I wrote that marriage is a sacred covenant of threeship with God and your spouse. I believe that is absolutely true. Two people may the ones getting married, but without the Lord, a marriage is going to be hard to make work. Why? Because God is all about forgiveness and love. We love because He first loved us. We forgive because He forgave us. If we can remember those two saving graces in our marriage when the times get tough, if we can model Christ's love to our spouse and Christ's forgiveness to our spouse, then marriage will suddenly be a lot easier.

Getting back to the main point of this, do I think marriage is obsolete? No. Marriage is the essence of our humanity. We couple with another person to share our lives with: the joys, the triumphs, the ugly messes, the heartache, the dark side of ourselves, the desire to live a better life. Marriage is fragile, but it can be made so strong that nothing can break it. If we take our marriage for granted and don't take care of it, it can wear down and become weak and subject to infestation of temptation and wayward desires. But if we cherish our marriages (and that person we're married to) and take care of our marriage, we can make it strong enough to resist and deflect the shrapnel that lives' explosions throw at it. Our marriage becomes a special haven into which we can retreat to find encouragement, warmth, forgiveness and love.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." I Corinthians 13:4-8a (NIV)

Do you think marriage is obsolete? Join the discussion on BlogHer.

Expectations

2012-01-09T15:50:00.002-06:00

We all have expectations that we put on ourselves. Expectations about who we should be as a person, as a spouse, as a parent, as a friend, as a worker/coworker, student, etc. The list goes on. We even bring hidden expectations for our partners into our marriages. Sometimes we might have expectations for friends or family members, or for our children.

I have all those. The hardest expectations that I have though, are the expectations I have for myself. I have always been hard of myself. All my life I have strived to be the best at whatever it is that I am doing. It must be that perfectionist, A-type personality coming out in me. I'm working on that . . . it's a work in progress.

Never has this been more true however, than now. Yes, now that I am a stay at home wife and mother, not working, not going to school. Which is ironic since I don't have to a boss or a teacher that I have to work to please.

I just have this view of what I think I should look like/be as a wife and as a mother. That view includes getting up early to do my quiet time and Bible study, fix Mike breakfast, get ready for the day (shower), do a few chores before the kids get up. Get the kids up and dressed in matching clothes (not the kids matching each other, their tops matching the bottoms). Do a few more chores, play with the kids, read to them, do neat crafts that I can display on the fridge, teach them a few things, fix a great, nutritious lunch, they go down for a nap and then I work on a novel, homemade cards,write encouraging notes to friends or something in that arena, do more chores (all these chores would make the house clean and presentable), fix a nutritious dinner with a nice dessert, have family time and devotions, put children to bed and have time with my husband. And I would make cookies for neighbors and friends, make meals for people in the church, and basically save the world on the side.

That is so NOT what my day/life looks like. My day looks more like this: Wake up some time after 0800 or 0830 to the kids fussing in their rooms, struggle to get out of bed while getting upset with myself that I slept in, AGAIN, Mike is long gone to work, put my contacts in, get the kids up and change their diapers, go downstairs and fix breakfast, attempt to do chores, occasionally read to the kids, usually while I"m nursing Daphne, continue to attempt to the same chore I started 30 minutes earlier but got interrupted because of squabbling or getting a sippy or changing a poopie diaper, realize that Mike will be home for lunch in 15 minutes and hurriedly throw something together for lunch, usually not all that nutritious (I seem to have a constant forgetfulness of vegetables lately), try to get the dishes at least partially done, put the kids down for a nap, sit down to nurse Daphne and either fall asleep or lose track of time on FB, realize it's too late to fix that dinner I planned AND I forgot to do my quiet time again,and throw something together for dinner, Mike plays with the kids after dinner and does baths, I sit down with Mike for a little bit and it's time for bed. And I'm still in my pajamas as I write this.

You see where there is the chronic failure to meet expectations?? (This is why I don't make new year's resolutions).

So today I decided I'm going to change my outlook on my expectations. Or change my expectations. Either way I've just feeling too much pressure lately. I don't know if it's the constant piles of laundry that need to be put away that seem to be lurking everywhere, or the scattered toys that litter the living room floor that I am constantly tripping over, or the growing layer of dust and stuff on the bathroom and kitchen floor that keeps reminding me I need to sweep, or the hundredth time of sleeping in and feeling like I can't control my day . .. BUT I am done with that.

I do enjoy sleeping in. Especially since Daphne is still sleeping in our bed and quite frankly, I love that. It's such a precious time waking up with her in the morning as she cuddles in closer and looks for something to eat. I even love the little kicks she gives me as she's nursing. And let's face it, she won't be there forever. She'll get bigger and move into her own bed. And that sweet time will be over forever. Soon Sophie and Edward will be starting school (either at home or at school) and they'll have to get up early to be on time for that. These days of lounging around all day in my pajamas (ok, I don't lounge all day, it just feels like it because I'm still in my PJ's) won't last forever. I might as well enjoy these little things while I can. Consider them small gifts of the day.

I need to realize too that I am not a super-woman who can do everything. I am not that woman who can keep her house immaculately clean and get everything done and have cute handmade cards for every occasion and her Bible study completely done with every eye dotted and tee crossed every week and a gourmet meal three times a day and look great doing it. It's too much pressure to try to be that person. I don't have life all together and worked out. Maybe I never will. But that's okay. My children know that they are loved, they are well-fed, they have a roof over their heads and they have clean clothes, even if those clothes come from a pile at the end of the bed and not hangars in the closet.

So I'm putting those wife and mother expectations of mine away. For now. Maybe in a year I'll pull them back out and review them and see what happens. Today though, I'm me. Me in pajamas with a sleeping baby on my lap, sporting a shark fin hair do, have dirty dishes in the sink, toys everywhere and the only half the Christmas decorations taken down. :)

What kind of expectations do you put on yourself? Do you think you match up or not?

"This Thing of Ours" by Cammy Franzese

2012-01-01T22:06:00.001-06:00

Married to the Mafia. Hmmm. And I thought my marriage went through some rough patches. Cammy Franzese tells her story of being married to a former mafia boss with grace and strength that is rarely seen.

This Thing of Ours, by Cammy Franzese, is the story of her marriage to Michael Franzese, from the Colombo mafia family. Cammy vividly and candidly shares the story of her marriage to Michael and what it was like being married to a man in the mafia. Her faith in the Lord brought them through seemingly insurmountable trials, including house visits from the FBI, being a single mom of three children for eight years while her husband served time behind bars for his crimes, and then reconnecting as a family and starting over when he was released.

Throughout her book, Cammy sticks to her commitment in the vows she made to her husband. She writes that she made a choice and she was going to follow through with that choice, no matter the consequences, good or bad. Her writing on that subject is very convicting: it is hard to stick through the rough times in marriage. Or even in life for that matter. We all make choices and we have to deal with the consequences of those choices. Throughout everything though, the Lord showed her that He was by her side and was leading her every step of the way.

I loved reading Cammy's story. Even though my husband hasn't served time in prison, he is human, and he does make mistakes. And there are times when our marriage goes through rough times. Reading what Cammy went through and how she stuck by her husband and her vows to her marriage, and relied heavily on the Lord throughout that time was convicting and inspirational at the same time.

I recommend this book for every married woman and for any woman who is contemplating getting married. To quote Cammy from her book (p. 92), ""You reap what you sow . . but ultimately there are consequences for the choice you made."" Something we all need to hear, like it or not.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this bookfree from the publisher through the BookSneeze.com <http://BookSneeze.com> bookreview bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. Theopinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance withthe Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 <http://www.access.gpo.gov/nara/cfr/waisidx_03/16cfr255_03.html> : “GuidesConcerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

New Year's and Resolutions

2012-01-01T21:35:00.003-06:00

Happy New Year's Everyone! :D It's 2012!

Okay, so far this year doesn't feel any different than last year . . . I guess that's what happens when you get older . . .or have little kids . . . or both. :)

Normally I don't make New Year's Resolutions because I know I probably won't keep them and I have enough disappointments and unmet expectations in myself. However, I think this year I will make an official New Year's Resolution.

I say official, because last year I did make an unofficial resolution.(It was a secret.) Last New Year's I was a bit depressed and I resolved to not send birthday/anniversary/etc cards out. (So if you got a card, that means you are really extra-special). This year, I am going to undo that resolution:

My New Year's Resolution is to send birthday/anniversary/etc cards to all my family and friends. On time. :D And . . (yes, there's an and . . .) . and . . (wait for it) . . .

I want to hand make them. Gasp!

Now there's a big step for me - being crafty. :) (If you know me in person, you know that I am definitely not crafty by any stretch of the imagination.)

I have actually wanting to learn how to make pretty and cute cards (at low cost) for quite a while now; it's just that time is not exactly on my side for doing stuff like this. So this year, I want to start doing that. The clause is that if I don't get to making a card, I will go and buy one so that I still keep the real part of the resolution of actually getting cards out to everyone.

The bonus will be that people get their cards before or on the actual big day (birthday or anniversary or whatever the case may be).

Wish me luck! What is your New Year's Resolution? What do you think of New Year's Resolutions?

Goodbye 2011!

2011-12-31T19:55:00.002-06:00

Another year has come and gone . . . as the saying goes, "Where does the time go?"

I think that time is a very static element, one that is often hard to wrap one's mind around. Minutes can seem so short, hours can seem so long, and days sometimes even longer, and yet the years fly by in the twinkling of an eye. The days are filled with sameness and the years are filled with change.

As one day rolls into another, I try more and more to cherish the time that I have with my family, especially my children. Even though sometimes it is hard changing diapers on three children all day and trying (and always miserably failing) to keep up with the house and the constant (it seems) food preparation and keep my sanity, this truly is a season in life. One I'm sure in which I'll look back upon and say "Wow! That went by so fast!"

Already Daphne is almost five months, Sophie will be turning three years old in a few short months and Edward will be two! I can see the change in them as they grow. Sophie has recently gotten so tall; in fact I just noticed she has outgrown her shoes again. She is also talking in more and more sentences. Edward is climbing and doing more and more problem solving (those two combined usually don't have good consequences), and is talking and saying more and more words. Daphne is more and more alert and eager to be in on the play with her brother and sister. She is always eager to respond with a smile and is a baby who knows what she wants (which is not to nap by herself, lol.)

With three little ones so close in age (currently still three under three years old), it can be hard to find a few quiet moments with Mike. Life definitely is not the same when you have children. Sometimes I look back on our relationship when we were childless and it seems so far away. Mike is a wonderfully supportive husband for whom I am so grateful. He is great with the children, although there are of course things we don't always agree upon. When I think about Mike as a husband, he is always supportive of me and I am so grateful that I can turn to him for advice about this or that. And I love our little intellectual conversations. Mike's intelligence is constantly blowing my mind. I know the Lord has great things in store for him.

2011 was a very interesting year. I started the year very depressed, was healed of that depression at Restoration Ministries in Nebraska (a HUGE thank you to Ruth and Paul for allowing us to go!) and just as I started to get a handle on life being pregnant with a two toddlers, life threw us a curve ball. My body did not want to keep Daphne and I went into labor at 27 weeks. I was put on modified bed rest, but who can rest when you have to take care of two toddlers all day? I was hospitalized at 31 weeks for pre-term labor and by God's grace and mercy, I did not deliver Daphne early. I was put on bed rest full time. Mike's amazing supervisor's and Captain sent Mike home to take care of things at home while I was confined to bed. He did an amazing job stepping up into the role of full time caregiver, including taking care of the house. The ladies with PWOC and the Meal Ministry team at our church Desert Springs provided meals during those months and we were so incredibly blessed by their generosity.

I delivered my beautiful and precious Daphne on Aug 6th, at 39 weeks, again only by the grace and Mercy of the Lord.

Life since then has been typical life with a newborn - sleep deprived and trying to find the new routine for life. Ruth, my MIL, stayed with us the first two weeks of Daphne's life and she was an amazing saving grace. I am so thankful for her help.

We have settled into the new routine fairly well. In the mornings we have a lovely time reading stories together and singing songs. I try to get some housework done, but the constant hopping over the gate (although Mike switched the baby gates so there is no more hopping! The one in the kitchen has a gate in it!), it is hard to get things accomplished.

I love seeing the relationships between my children blossom and grow. Sophie and Edward are very close, and Edward and Daphne are developing a little bond between them. Edward is ever the doting brother, most of the time very tender and gentle. Sophie is a little ball of energy and passion and I love watching her play and seeing what she is thinking about. I love that they are happy children; I feel as though we are doing something right as parents.

I am looking forward to the new year and seeing what it will bring. Life is good, although sometimes a bit hectic. The Lord is always there to give me the strength that I need and I am so grateful to Him for all He has done and for who He is. I have found my relationship with Him growing more and more this year. There are times when I feel He is far away, but that is usually because I haven't been faithful in my Bible reading. The Lord really used the time I was on bed rest to grow closer to Him. We all have different paths in life to follow, set by the Lord, but He is with us every step of the way. Even when we think He has abandoned us to the darkness and trials of life, He is there. I can see His hand in everything in my life and I am so grateful. I haven't always been able to honestly say that I long for His coming, but now that has changed. Even though I love my life here on Earth, I do long for His coming and to see Him and worship Him in person. How awesome that will be! :)

Happy New Year everyone! :D

Christmas Card 2011

2011-12-30T20:56:00.001-06:00

Merry Christmas from all of us!

Photo Card

View the entire collection of cards.

The Magic Room discussions

2011-12-28T15:41:00.001-06:00

Hi everyone,

There's a great discussion of The Magic Room by Jeffrey Zaslow going on over at BlogHer for the next few weeks. Head on over here to check it out! Head over here to see my review of the book, which will be coming to stores in early 2012! :D

Christmas 2011

2011-12-27T18:59:00.001-06:00

Christmas this year was reallywonderful; we had a really great Christmas!

Sophie (2 yrs old), Daphne (4 mo old) and Edward (21 mo) - I couldn't get a pic with all them looking at the camera and smiling at the same time, so looking at Daddy will have to do :)

Mike and I decided to openpresents on Christmas Eve morning since we had church on Christmas Day. Wedidn't want to skip church, and we have a hard enough time getting to church ontime without throwing in opening presents into the mix, so opening presents onChristmas Eve it was. :)

Now the kids are stillyoung enough that they don't have the excited anticipation build up toChristmas morning, and thus there was no being up at 6am and racing down thestairs to dive into the presents. So we had a leisurely breakfast of cinnamonrolls first, then I got the kids all dressed in their Christmas outfits that mydear friend April sent from Oklahoma. And we took some pictures . ..

Sophie actually opened mostof her presents herself this year, although she did need some help. I tried toget her to give up her "uh-oh" (pacifier) to open presents, but shewouldn't have any of that without a melt down, so I let her keep it. She had alot of fun going from one present to the next and saying "ooh". Shewanted to play with her new toys as soon as she opened her gift and we had tokeep reminding her to open her other presents. :)

. . . and then we got intothe presents!

Daphne is the child that wehad to keep from opening the presents early, so she was all set to dig in onChristmas morning. We put her in her bumbo seat because she's can't quite situp on her own yet, and boy did she go at it! She kept reaching as far as herlittle arms could to get to presents, or paper and had so much fun. What alittle joy she is! Daphne's very serious and focused on getting into this gift . . .

It is so fun doing Christmas withkids! Watching them open, or in our case, attempt to open, their presents andsee what they got. Taking pictures of all the festivities! (And my camera isworking again - yay!!)

Edward (notice he removedhis pants already??) opened his first present, which was two board books, oneof which was "Good Night Moon". "Good Night Moon" isEdward's absolutely most favorite book. Ever. He calls it his "NightNight" book, and he says it with a soft voice that is just full ofaffection - it's so sweet. He used to have this book, and he took that bookeverywhere. To bed. Playing. In the car. At the table. Everywhere. Well, it wasloved to pieces. Literally. It couldn't even be taped back together. So I hadto throw it away. Sad, sad day. So when he saw his "Night Night"book, he immediately sat down in the corner by the other presents and startedreading it. He read it over and over and over again, quietly saying "NightNight" as he loving touched each page. All other presents were forgottenfor the time being.

Edward got up to giveDaphne some kisses - they are so sweet together.

My PWOC Secret Sister gotSophie, Edward and Daphne a lot of presents. I was actually stunned when afriend came by with a box of gifts for the kids. I thought I was going to crywhen I saw what she had done - what an amazing woman and friend she is! I can'twait to find out who she is . . . They each got some really nice clothes, andEdward got a remote controlled car! He was pretty wowed by it.

Sophie got a baby doll,complete with bottles, pacifier, and diaper. She loves it! As soon as I got thebaby doll out of the package, she wanted to give her baby doll a bottle, so sheasked her baby doll: "Do you want some juice?" Apparently, the babydoll did indeed want some juice. A little while later she asked me to nurse thebaby doll, lol. When she discovered that she could take off the baby doll'sdiaper, she did, and she quietly gasped "Oh, gosh!" in a whisperedvoice. (Apparently I say this when the kids, especially Daphne, have a reallypoopie diaper. The things your kids repeat!) She loves to carry her baby dollaround, and puts her baby doll in the high chair for all of our meals. It's sosweet to see her being a little mother!

Daphne got this really neattoy that plays music when you pull on its' cord. I put in on her swing and shefigured it out super fast. So now she is always pulling on the cord and playingmusic when she's in her swing. In the pic above, she was really tired out fromopening all the presents.

This picture (above) is later inthe day after I had to change her outfit. She is such a smiley, happy baby. Ilove it! :D

We went to the Christmas Eveservice at church, which was really good. The opening video was awesome! I'llhave to find a link to it somewhere . . . I served in the Infant room for thefirst service at 4pm and then I went to the 6pm service. Mike and I had a breakdown in communication, so he ended up bringing the kids to the 4pm service lateand then took them home for dinner.

Sunday morning we got up as usualand went to church. Pastor Ryan had a great message on Psalm 24 that reallyanswered some questions for me. For dinner we went to our good friends Tammiand Dave's for dinner. They have five children, and their youngest, Bitty, is 3and she and Sophie are really good friends. Mike and I had a great time over attheir house hanging out with everyone. Lindsey put on a really goodpresentation of the Nativity with her PlayMobile nativity figures. Tammi, Eliand Emily and I played Catch Phrase, which was a lot of fun.

And of course, it has to be saidthat Jesus is absolutely the reason for the season. I am so incredibly gratefulthat He loves us so much that He chose to come down to earth in the form of aninfant child and take on our sins and fulfill God's plan - to take our placeand die on the cross. And then rise again, defeating death. Christmas is such aspecial time of year because it is a reminder of the awe-inspiring grace andwonder that God came down from Heaven, to earth, to dwell with us, and took onhuman form. And that form was a tiny baby. An infant. Completely helpless.Totally dependent upon a human mother. So amazing. Wow . . .I look at mychildren and I think that Jesus went through all of that, so that He could knowwhat we humans go through day to day. Jesus is just so awesome! :D

Merry Christmas everyone!

We Got a Tree!

2011-12-22T22:52:00.001-06:00

We finally got a tree! :D I am so excited! I wrote earlier about how we hadn't gotten a Christmas Tree, and I was a bit down and what having a Christmas Tree meant to me. Well, Mike didn't read that post, but I had talked to him about it, so he got me a beautiful (artificial) tree for Christmas! Yay!

We went to Hobby Lobby on Friday night with all the kids to pick out a tree, since they were discounted 50%. It was nice to have an outing with the whole family. :)

Pickings were pretty slim, as most of the trees had sold out. We did get a beautiful 7.5 foot Arizona slim pine for a great price though. In the top pick, Mike is putting the tree together. We did this after the kids had gone to bed.

It was kind of romantic, listening to Christmas carols, drinking egg nog and "sprucing" up the tree. Daphne, of course, joined us. She really loves to be worn, and I am once again so grateful for my baby wrap!

Here is the tree part way through the decoration process on Saturday morning.

After breakfast was over, we put on more Christmas carols, got out the box of Christmas decorations and started decorating the tree together as a family. I decided to put Daphne in the bumbo seat by the tree so that she could watch what was going on. I was going to be doing a lot of bending down into the decoration box, so I didn't want to wear her this time.

Edward really enjoying digging into the decoration box too when he wasn't removing ornaments from the tree. :)

Sophie understood the whole process of putting ornaments on the tree almost immediately and she went right to work. She's quite efficient. And completely adorable!

Here's Mike and Edward (I know, I know, we haven't dressed him yet) decorating the tree together. I love how Edward would watch Mike put an ornament on so that he could copy him. He really loves to do everything that his daddy does.

I think this picture of Edward really captures the wonder of Christmas - I just love it! This is Edward's first Christmas tree, so it's a real treat to watch him take everything in.

I also put up our stockings, although we moved them to a different spot a few hours later after Edward pulled one down and the stocking holder, which is quite solid and heavy, fell on his foot and bruised it. If my parents are reading, do you recognize the stocking in the middle??

I'll have to get a picture of our tree all lit up. The tree has white lights on it, which is new for me. Mike wanted to get white lights and I thought it would be pretty in our living room. Since the tree has lights on it, I also thought we could use the colored strands of lights that we have at home to decorate the windows and the stair banister, which I did. So we have both. I love it!

The kids have actually been fairly good with the tree and presents that are under the tree. They have removed a few ornaments, but after some discipline, I think they know not to do that. Same with presents, except for Daphne, who is too young to discipline. Plus it was just so cute the way she was tearing into a present from her bumbo chair earlier this afternoon. Who would have thought a four month old could unwrap a present? Not me!

As far as other Christmas traditions, we have watched the Muppets Christmas Carol (yes, that is one of my Christmas traditions!), and I am reading Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol. I did make some mint chocolate chip cookies for Mike, but they turned out to be more like mint chocolate chip rocks . . . I am hoping to make some gingerbread cookies or a gingerbread house with the kids and Mike before the week of Christmas is over . . .

Other Christmas traditions that we didn't do this year, but I would like to start doing: (well, I guess that doesn't make them traditions, but anyway . . . ), counting down the days to Christmas with an advent calendar, maybe celebrating Hannukah, going caroling, making cookies for the neighbors, making a Christmas ornament with each of the kids, decorating cookies with the kids, participating in the Christmas shoebox drive with a box from each child, making Christmas cards, getting a family Christmas picture taken in front of our tree, making a special Christmas bread (I'm going to do that on Christmas Eve for breakfast on Christmas morning this year) and I just heard about this thing called a Jesse Tree from my friend Abby that sounds really neat. I want to learn more about it. And of course reading the Christmas story from Matthew and Luke in the Bible. :) Did I miss anything for making a tradition with the family? I know I sound pretty ambitious . . .

So what Christmas traditions do you celebrate? What do you with your family ever year? :)

Merry Christmas everyone!

Let it Snow!

2011-12-22T19:20:00.001-06:00

Right now, as I type, it is snowing like crazy outside. And by crazy, I mean that we have winds sustained over 30 mph with gusts over 40 mph . . . with "possible blizzard conditions".

It's supposed to be like this all night . . .

It is definitely cold outside!

I'll have to take pics in the morning and post them.

Stay warm out there!

Faithful Blogging Prompt: Prayer

2011-12-22T19:08:00.001-06:00

This is something new for me: I am linking up with Faithful Bloggers today. What is Faithful Bloggers? Well, it's an online community of Christian bloggers that I found today, and they post topics to encourage readers, well really writers, to blog.

So the prompt I am writing about is: How do you incorporate prayer into your everyday life?

I try to take the verse in I Thessalonians literally that says "Pray without ceasing." Of course, I fail miserably at this. Who can pray all the time? However, I do try to pray silently in my head throughout the day.

What's my secret? I try to use things I want to complain about to initiate prayer. For example, if I think about how much I don't particularly like winter, I'll pray to thank the Lord for a warm house to have shelter in, warm clothes to wear, especially for the kids, and so on.

I also try to have a running conversation, if you will, with the Lord. Just talk to Him throughout the day. I try to give praise for this or that in my life, express my gratitude, share with Him my sorrows, thank Him for my children (this is easy when they're being precious and adorable and hard when they're being naughty or whiny), tell Him my fears and wishes, pray for friends who come to mind and so on. Yes, sometimes I complain. And tell Him that that I'm upset with so and so and hurt by so and so. That's the beauty of prayer: there isn't a formula that you have to follow. You just share your heart with the Lord.

I'm not trying to make myself sound like I have it all together spiritually, because I definitely don't. There are days when I don't pray. Those days are usually not very good for me.

The thing is, Jesus is not just my Lord and Savior, He is my Comforter, my Rock, my constant source of support (and boy do I need a lot of support!) and my friend. If Daphne, who is now 4 months old, is crying and I can't comfort her immediately because I'm in the middle of changing someone else's diaper or cooking a meal, I ask the Lord to provide her comfort until I can tend to her needs. Not kidding.

I just need Him so much. And He loved me enough to create me, to save me, to die for my sins. He knows that I fail so much in what I do: He knows that I am human. And He knows what that is like first-hand too. His mercies truly are new every morning and He knows that I need that.

In essence, I guess prayer to me is similar to talking to my husband - of course I want to participate in conversations with Him (and my husband too!). Because of love. Is prayer hard? Sometimes. Have I always prayed like this? No. Can anyone pray like this? Absolutely! Just start talking - He is listening and He is always, always there. He will never leave you nor forsake you.

So how do you incorporate prayer into your everyday life?

The Magic Room by Jeffrey Zaslow

2011-12-22T18:15:00.000-06:00

Hey there - it's an update! Head on over to the Magic Room at BlogHer and check out our discussions! :D
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I'm linking up to the BlogHer book club to review The Magic Room by Jeffrey Zaslow! Head on over for lots of fun discussions of the book and its' author! We start on 28 December 2011! :) (I'll update with links on Wednesday, 28December. So come back and see me then!) :)

Every wedding day has a story that leads up to it: some are traditional, some have tragic elements, others are inspiring. Each is unique to the two people who are joining their lives together in holy matrimony.

Before the wedding, the bride needs to find something to wear: the perfect wedding dress. In Jeffrey Zaslow's book, The Magic Room, Zaslow travels to Becker's Bridal in Fowler, Michigan, a generations of family owned bridal shop in a small town. It is there at Becker's that brides journey to find the perfect dress, standing in "the magic room", each bringing her own story with her.

The "magic room" is a special room at Becker's Bridal, made just for the bride. In a former bank vault, surrounded by walls lined with mirrors, stands a pedestal upon which a woman can stand transformed into a glowing bride.

Brides like Erika,who has taken a vow of purity with her Marine fiance, and Danielle, whose mother wasn't able to be with her after passing away unexpectedly at the age of thirty-three, stand in the Magic Room and reflect upon their journeys that led them to this magical point. Zaslow shares their stories poignantly, making you laugh and cry and leaving you feeling as if you know these women personally and wishing that you could continue to follow their lives as their stories unfold into the future.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book as part of BlogHer review program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 <http://www.access.gpo.gov/nara/cfr/waisidx_03/16cfr255_03.html> : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Beef Stew in a Whole Wheat Bread Bowl

2011-12-21T21:23:00.000-06:00

It's time for the Hearth and Soul Blog Hop again! I'm linking up with Premeditated Leftovers; click on the link and hop over and join us for some fabulous recipes! :)

This week, I'm going to write about homemade beef stew in a whole wheat bread bowl. Beef stew, the thick kind with tons of carrots and potatoes, is one of my favorite soups/stews.

I think my favorite memory associated with this meal is one day when I was a young teenager, my Dad took my brother and me to Richmond (when we used to live in Virginia) to an outdoor ice rink. It was great fun, skating around in the snow next to the James River. Afterward, we went to my Grandmother's house, and she had made beef stew and biscuits (always from scratch), and after being out in the cold skating for a few hours, it was quite possibly the best meal I've ever had! Sadly, I don't have her recipe, and she is no longer with us.

Since then, I've tried to recreate that meal, but usually not with success. However, the last time I made this, the week of Thanksgiving, I think I came the closest I've ever come. Yay!

Beef Stew in a Whole Wheat Bread Bowl

For the bread bowls, please visit Naturally Ella. She has other fantastic recipes too!

For the beef stew:
Ingredients:
3/4-1 pound beef, cubed - I used leftover roast beef from when I made some in my crockpot the day before. You can also use stew beef.
beef stock - about 3-4 cups. I used the leftover stock from when I made roast in the crockpot
potatoes - about 4 medium, peeled or unpeeled, cubed
1/2 onion, sauteed - optional. There was onion in my roast, so I used some of that.
carrots - about 5, peeled and chopped. I really love carrots, so I actually use a lot more.
parsnip - 2-3, peeled, chopped. Optional. They don't sell parsnip at the commissary here, so I didn't add any.
Corn starch - 4-8 tablespoons
Salt and pepper

Put it together:
Place the beef in a large pot. Add the beef stock and heat on medium high.
When the water is close to boiling, add the potatoes and carrots and bring to a boil. Reduce heat to low for simmering.
Add the cornstarch, one tablespoon at a time and stir thoroughly. You have added enough cornstarch when the gravy is moderately thick. Season with salt and pepper.
Simmer on low one to two hours.
Serve in a warm bread bowl, or over biscuits, or by itself. :)

Great for a cold winter day, especially if you've gone ice skating.

Thoughts on Psalm 116

2011-12-14T15:19:00.000-06:00

My dear friend Maiden, who PCS'd from Kirtland almost a year ago, recently came up with an idea for us to help keep in touch and encourage one another. She suggested that we text a verse that spoke to us and a tip every day to each other.

I have to say that I really love, and appreciate, and feel blessed by, this idea of hers. She is such an encouragement! I hope that I am an encouragement to her as well.

She is also giving me accountability in my quiet time, which I really need. This wasn't part of the spoken deal, but for me, it is an added benefit. :)

And then there are days like today where the Lord just really speaks to me through His Word and I am in such awe at what He has to say to me.

"I love the Lord, for he heard my voice;
he heard my cry for mercy.
Because he turned his ear to me,
I will call on him as long as I live."

There are so many times in my life where I know that the Lord has heard me when I cried out to Him. Whether it was to comfort a crying child, heal a wound (physical or emotional), prayer for comfort for a friend, for deliverance - and so much more - He heard me.

I remember back when I was super depressed in my first trimester in my pregnancy with Daphne.

"The cords of death entangled me,
the anguish of the grave came upon me;
I was overcome by trouble and sorrow.
Then I called on the name of the Lord:
"Oh Lord, save me!""

And He did. Boy did He. Not only from the depression that had enveloped me, but long before that time, when I was 23, He saved me with His Saving Grace. His perfect gift of Salvation through His death on the cross. He Saved me, not because of what I had done, but because of His great mercy. He loved me so much that He took my sin upon Himself, and cleansed me white as snow.

"The Lord is gracious and righteous;
our God is full of compassion.
The Lord protects the simplehearted;
when I was in great need, he saved me."

What an awesome reminder of what the Lord has done! And not just for me, but each of you, my dear readers. For everyone in the whole world. Mind-boggling, isn't it?

"Be at rest once more, O my soul,
for the Lord has been good to you.
For you, O Lord, have delivered my soul from death,
my eyes from tears,
my feet from stumbling,
that I may walk before the Lord
in the land of the living."

What a great blessing, to be here on earth. To be given life! Not just life here on earth though, but eternal life in Heaven, sitting at the feet of Jesus, our precious Lord and Savior.

"I believed; therefore I said
"I am greatly afflicted."
And in my dismay I said,
"All men are liars.""

Anyone else been there? Like everyone you ever knew, let alone loved, let you down? Of course they did, they are humans, just like me, just like you. The Lord does not let us down though - His love and mercy and faithfulness are forever.

"How can I repay the Lord
for all his goodness to me?
I will lift up the cup of salvation
and call on the name of the Lord.
I will fulfill my vows to the Lord
in the presence of all his people."

Those verses are surely my prayer - how can I repay the Lord for what He has done for me? In truth, I can't. But I can serve the Lord my whole life - lifting up His glorious name and giving Him the glory for all He has done in my life.

"Precious in the sight of the Lord
is the death of his saints.
O Lord, truly I am your servant;
I am your servant, the son of your maidservant;
you have freed me from my chains."

Hallelujah! And what joy it is to be free, free indeed!

"I will sacrifice a thank offering to you
and call on the name of the Lord.
I will fulfill my vows to the Lord
in the presence of all his people,
in the courts of the house of hte Lord -
in your midst, O Jerusalem.
Praise the Lord."
Psalm 116 (in italics)

And so let it be as I have written - that I will fulfill my vow to the Lord in the presence of His people and serve Him.

"Thank you Lord so much for all that you have done in my life. Please use me to minister to others and to love others. In Jesus name, Amen."

SD Holiday Party

2011-12-12T22:16:00.001-06:00

This past Friday the Space Development and Test Directorate (SD for short) had their Christmas Party (not holiday party) at the Hyatt Regency in downtown Albuquerque.

It was a really great time. The Booster Club did a really job with everything and the whole thing was really well done. Mike even enjoyed himself.

Mike and I

There was childcare on sight, which was really nice too. So all the kids came with us!

The hotel was all decorated for Christmas too! Unfortunately, this was the only tree that I got a picture of . .. it was a really pretty tree though!

It's pretty neat to go to squadron, or in this case, directorate, functions because you get to hear things about your spouses' work that they don't tell you about because it's the everyday norm to them. Hearing about this satellite or that, or this rocket launch or that, is really cool to me. I am so proud of Mike and all that he helps to accomplish through his work. And hearing that his work is directly affecting how things are going over in the war is really neat. It's really rewarding to know that your husband is making a difference in the world, and that in a way, you are too, because you support him. Even though Mike hasn't deployed yet, there is something to holding down the home front with the day to day inertia of activity.

Our friend Karen, Mike's former supervisor's wife.

Dinner was really good! There was a wonderful salad, chicken and mashed potatoes with greens. In the middle of every table was a gingerbread kit and each table had to compete with the other tables to build the most creative gingerbread house. The only rule was it had to be legal. :) There are a lot of really smart and creative people in the SD!

Our gingerbread house came complete with lemon radar dish and paper tissue rocket! You could just feel the intelligence and creativity juices flowing in the room.

Shawn icing the gingerbread house. Apparently he has experience in cake decorating . . . he did a really great job.

Mike and Shawn working on the gingerbread house.

The finished product complete with lemon radar dish and paper rocket. I thought it was really good. :)

Mike was also asked to give the Invocation to the dinner, which I thought was quite an honor. From what I heard, a chaplain wasn't available to come out, and Mike is known for his faith around the squadron, so they asked him to give the opening prayer. Mike said a really beautiful prayer and I was just so proud of him, not just for the prayer, but for openly standing up for his faith in the eyes of the entire Directorate (we're called a Directorate because we're smaller than a wing, but that would be closest equivalent).

There were lots of prizes given out throughout the night, and Mike actually won a box of Christmas wine glasses. He was also given a bottle of wine as a gift for giving the invocation, so it was a nice pairing. :) And we had a chance to have our picture taken as well, which was pretty neat.

Because there was childcare on sight, I was actually able to enjoy the whole party without being attached, figuratively and physically, to a child (not that I don't love nursing Daphne, I do, and I do love my children), but having a break is nice. When we dropped the kids off, I fed Daphne and then left her with the capable child care providers. They had my phone number, and Mikes, and a friend of ours, in case they needed to reach us if she got hungry again. But she didn't. She actually slept the entire night. It was actually the longest that Daphne and I had ever been apart - the longest before that was about 20 or 30 minutes two weeks previous when I went to WalMart without her. By apart I mean not in hearing distance or holding her. I think we did okay. :)

I did go to check on the kids once, and poor Edward was not doing well at all. It was after 2100 and he was just melting. The meltdown continued until today actually . . . Sophie did pretty well though. When we got home and got her dressed for bed, we saw that she had on one of Daphne's diapers though. Backwards. We got quite a laugh out of that. There were several "tween" girls there who no doubt wanted to help out . . . I was told that Daphne was actually the best kid out of all the kids there . . . and to think I was the most worried about how she would do . . . It puts a mother's mind at ease knowing that her infant is secure.

The whole night was really nice and a lot of fun. It was nice to have some time with Mike that wasn't interrupted. Santa and his Elf were pretty funny and the party was just really great. We didn't stay for the dancing though, we left right when that started, since by then it was about 2200. I have to say that I did not notice anyone intoxicated, which was a nice change from the 3rd Herd Christmas parties. There was an open bar, but no one was noticeably drunk. A very nice change indeed.

Next year Mike and I want to stay for the dancing. :)

Thanksgiving 2011

2011-12-11T22:19:00.000-06:00

Thanksgiving has come and gone, but now I have a chance to write about it. :)

Dad hadn't met Daphne yet, so it was really neat for him to be able to meet his newest granddaughter. He was in Africa on a mission trip when she was being born, so he wasn't able to come out then. Then he had to save up some more leave since he used all his leave while he was in Africa (he was there for about 2.5 weeks).

Thanksgiving really is my favorite holiday. I love the cooking, the eating, the getting together with family (if you are able to) and good friends. The reflection on all that we are thankful for. I love that there is a holiday set aside to remember all that you have, all that you have been given and to be thankful for it. We should be thankful every day, but it's so great that being thankful has its' own holiday. :) And marketing has a hard time capitalizing on it - that's nice too. :)

Thanksgiving was pretty good this year. It was a bit busy, but nice. My Dad and stepmom, Karen, were able to come out to visit from Florida and it was really wonderful having them visit. :) I wish I had gotten more pictures, but I didn't. :(

I had some really great conversations with Dad. He has read the Bible many, many times and teaches occasional classes, and he just has so much wisdom and insight on the Lord's teaching to share. I really enjoyed listening and learning from what he had to say.

We ended up not going anywhere (I had wanted to take them to the Botanical Gardens, but illness kept us from going. Maybe next time.) It was nice to just have Dad around though and the kids really loving have their GrandDad there to give them hugs and tickle them (they love to be tickled!).

I know Dad thoroughly enjoyed seeing them. He says that looking at Sophie is like going back in time to when I was a little girl. It's really sweet.

I did do a Thanksgiving turkey. The Air Force Sergeant's Association actually gave us (and a lot of other enlisted military families) a free thanksgiving dinner - complete with a turkey, stuffing, green beans, cranberry sauce and gravy. I am very grateful to them for providing that for us! :)

My Dad helped me cook the turkey. Cooking turkeys is one thing that I am absolutely not good at, at all. I either grossly underestimate the cooking time or it turns out dry or something. Dad has quite a bit of experience cooking turkeys, so it was really nice that he was able to help me out. :)

I made homemade cranberry sauce and cranberry pumpkin muffins the day before. I also made greenbean casserole, deviled eggs and homemade stuffing this year. I think this was the first year for homemade stuffing for me - it didn't turn out like I would have liked. Thankfully Stove Top is an expert at stuffing, so we had that as well.

All of the food. I even cleared off the counter!! :D That, in and of itself, is a small miracle!

I invited over my good friend Sierra for dinner, and she made her famous (I call them famous anyway) fantastic mashed potatoes, homemade rolls, deviled eggs (you can never have too many deviled eggs!), blackberry pie, pumpkin pie and a chocolate bar dessert. All of it was so yummy!

Sierra of course brought her family (Ryan and the kids: William and Alanna) and her brother was in town for Thanksgiving as well, so she brought him. Her brother's name is also Mike, so it was really funny asking "Mike" what dessert he wanted and getting two answers! :)

Daphne (3 months), Mike, Dad and Ryan.

It was a really nice Thanksgiving and I was so glad to be able to see Dad and Karen. It was nice to have a little help with the kids too, I admit it. :)

Dad, Karen, Ryan, Will, Sierra, Mike, Mike.

Mike, Mike, Karen, Dad, Sophie, Edward, Ryan

Karen and Daphne (3 mo)

O Christmas Tree

2011-12-11T21:56:00.000-06:00

"O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree, How I love thee . . . "

Sadly, our house does not have a Christmas Tree. And there is no "yet" following that sentence.

I have to say that I am a bit down about this. (Anyone want to invite me over to oogle at their tree for a few hours?)

I would have loved to have had a tree up the day after Thanksgiving, or at least by 1 December, but that didn't happen. I was okay with that though, because we had family come in for Thanksgiving and it was a busy week. And we don't have an artificial tree, so we would have to go get a real tree.

Then I had the "brilliant" idea of getting a live tree from the Cibola National Forest that's practically next door to Albuquerque. I looked up the website to the National Forest Service and it turns out that you could apply for a permit for $10 and then a get a tree, up to 10 feet tall, for an additional $10. Sweet! I was all about that!

Then in the week that followed, I got to thinking about that. Taking a 2 year old, a 20 month old and a 4 month old, into the national forest, in the snow, where there are mountain lions. (I have a real fear of mountain lion attacks - probably over-rated, but anyway, I'm a fierce mama sometimes.) Yeah . . . maybe that wasn't the best idea . . . So that was one weekend out. And Mike didn't want to look for a real tree anywhere else that weekend.

So plan B. We'll just get a real tree from a local place. I even spotted a place selling real trees (from New Mexico) in town. The plans were to get that tree last Saturday.

Well, the Space Division Holiday Party happened last Friday night (more on that later), and we ended up sleeping in that morning. I was hoping we could squeeze in getting a tree and at least getting it into the stand before I had to get ready for my Christmas Tea (more on that later too), but that didn't happen. Another weekend out.

Now we're down to twelve days left until Christmas and there isn't so much as a pine tree whiff around my house. No Christmas lights. And Mike is talking of not getting a tree at all. Money and all that. Yes, finances are tight, but that tight? Apparently so to him.

There's been some talk of getting a fake tree, but when I realized how expensive they are, that went out the window. And Mike and I do like getting a real tree. There's something about having a real tree . . .

I guess the biggest reason I'm upset about this is because we didn't have a tree last year. I was all about not having a tree last year because Edward was at that stage where he was crawling and pulling up and putting everything, and I mean everything (including my Dad's hearing aid), in his mouth. I so did not want to have him put an ornament hook or something like that in his mouth, or pull the tree onto himself. So we settled for my tiny 12 inch Christmas tree from when I was a little girl.

Christmas tree 2010

However, not having a tree last year made me really, really look forward to having a tree this year.

And looking back over the Christmases of my life, they haven't always exactly been merry. I so want to end that tradition.

There was the first Christmas after my parents were separated and all my brother and I wanted for Christmas was for our parents to get back together. You talk about the quietest Christmas with kids you ever saw . . .

Then there was the Christmas we couldn't afford a tree.

Then there were all the Christmases with my ex where he totally left me out of the tree buying and decorating process, something I absolutely love. There's nothing like being all excited to decorate the tree with your spouse, and you come home from work one day and it's all decorated and there is nothing left for you to do. And then knowing how you feel, continues to do that the following two years.

Then there were the Christmases I had as a single woman, except for the last one, where I couldn't afford a tree and didn't have a single Christmas decoration. That last Christmas, a wonderful friend found out about that and gave me their old Christmas tree, and decorations too. And that Christmas I got to decorate with some of my amazing friends from Bible study in Oklahoma. That was a great Christmas! :)

Macy, myself, Natalie, Caylee, Kyle and Asher at my apartment in 2006 decorating the tree for Christmas.

The finished tree. :)

The first three Christmases Mike and I were married we had a great time decorating the tree together and it was wonderful. I really cherish that time together and those memories.

Decorating the tree in 2007, first Christmas with Mike.

Mike decorating the tree.

The finished tree. :)

Missy under the tree our second Christmas together, 2008.

The finished tree. (Notice the blinds in the background - that's what happens when you have a cat that is neither stealthy nor graceful.)

Two Christmases ago we went to a Christmas Tree farm in Oklahoma and cut down our own tree and we had such a great time doing that. I was six months pregnant with Edward and Sophie was nine months old (almost). That tree was the absolutely most perfect tree I have ever seen (or had) for Christmas.

Mike next to our Christmas tree in Oklahoma, 2009.

Sophie and I next to our Christmas Tree in Oklahoma. Sophie was 8 months old, I was 6 months pregnant. 2009.

The tree is up, but not decorated.

The decorated tree, 2009.

Sophie was so excited for Christmas! :D 2009, 9 months old

The stockings were hung with care . . . 2009

It's not that a tree is what makes Christmas, it isn't. I know that.

It's the special memories that you build with your family. It's about creating family traditions that your kids will look back on with fondness and love. The memories I have from early childhood Christmases are near and dear to my heart. And it wasn't the present opening (honestly, I hardly remember those parts). It was going out and finding a tree together and then bringing it home and decorating while listening to Christmas music and drinking eggnog (Shenandoah Pride still has the best eggnog I've ever tasted!).

It's about setting up the Nativity Scene with care and reflecting back on the miracle of Christ, the Lord, coming to earth in the form of a new born baby. The humility of his arrival in a stable, where He was first greeted by shepherds.

It's about lighting candles (and Christmas lights) to remind us that we are lights for Christ in a dark world.

It's about making cookies and special treats with your kids that bring Christmas to completion in all the senses.

It's about singing carols about Christ being born and worshiping our Savior through song.

It's a time to get together with extended family that you may not see very often (especially if you are in the military) and having a special meal together. Or, in cases in the military, it's about bringing over those cherished friends who become your family away from family and sharing that special meal with them.

All of that to me, in a way, is wrapped up in a Christmas Tree. It's like the tree is symbolic for all of that.

And the evergreen tree is symbolic of Christ's ever-present love for us. A tangible reminder that Christ is always with us, always loves us, always forgives us.

So here's to having a Christmas tree next year. :)

Hearth & Soul Blog Hop - Italian Sausage Soup

2011-12-06T22:07:00.002-06:00

Winter is officially here in New Mexico!

Daphne, 4 months old today!

To me, that means the "soup season" has officially begun. About six weeks ago when I made my first home made wheat bread bowls, my husband and I decided that we would have soup several times a week during the winter, and so since then I have been practicing making soup or stew about every week.

In less than the past week, however, we have had three snow storms. Now these are New Mexico snow storms, not Colorado Rockies snow storms or South Dakota snow storms. Thursday we had sustained winds of 50 mph, with gusts up to 88 mph (more on that later). Then we got a few inches of snow. Then a few more.

Most of it has either blown away or evaporated (not melted, it hasn't gone above freezing).

Anyway, the cold weather makes me want to stay all toasty inside. So I made some soup! From scratch. All of my own recipe.

Okay, so some of it was based on a recipe I found. But most of it was me (because it was a microwave recipe and I don't like to make whole meals in the microwave. And I substituted some ingredients). :)

I'm linking up with Premeditated Leftovers for her Heath & Soup Blog Hop, so head on over and join me. I have found so many great recipes there! And it's great to be linking back up after taking a hiatus for so many months. :)

This week I made Italian Sausage Soup. :)

Ingredients:

1 package of kilbasa smoked sausage

2 onions, chopped

1 green pepper, chopped

1-2 tbsp garlic

42 oz beef broth

1 1/2 cups red cooking wine

parsley

oregano

1 28oz can diced tomatoes, drained

1 14.5 oz dark red kidney beans, drained

6 oz pasta - I used screw-top

2 zucchini, sliced into half moons

Mozzarella cheese

Put it together:

Slice the sausage into half moons and brown in a deep skillet.

Add the onion, green pepper and garlic. Season with lots of parsley and oregano. Cook until vegetables are soft.

Have beef broth ready in a large pot. Add cooking wine. Add sausage, vegetables, kidney beans and tomatoes. Simmer 1-2 hours.

About 15-20 minutes before you want to serve the soup, add the pasta and zucchini. Season to taste with parsley and oregano.

Serve and garnish with mozzarella cheese as desired.

Enjoy!

I'm really hoping to start linking up with Premeditated Leftovers every week. I tried to link up last week, but I just got so busy with Thanksgiving and having family in town that I missed it. :( I'll just have to post that recipe at another time. :)

Stay warm out there!

Stepping Stones Update

2011-12-03T18:32:00.000-06:00

Since Daphne is contentedly sleeping on my lap (and left typing arm), I figured I would do another blog post. :)

It's Christmas time (yay), but we have yet to get a tree (not yay), and I have had severe problems in the motivation department, so the house is definitely not decorated. I would like to decorate the house, but it seems the effort is just a little too much, at least for right now. Even though I have all of ten things that I could put out.

Sophie is just getting so tall! It seems like last week she couldn't reach into the pack n play and grab the wipes, and now she can. She has a fascination with the movie Cars. I do not. However, I humor her. Ah, the love of a parent for her children. . . . Sophie also has this new thing where she'll say a word over and over again, and then when you ask her about, she agrees that she does indeed want whatever it was that she was saying. It goes something like this:

Sophie: "Cracker." "Cracker." "Cracker." (in a very sweet voice)
Me: "Sophie, would you like a cracker?"
Sophie: "Oh, okay. Cracker please." like it wasn't her idea at all. I find it quite funny.

Sophie is getting more and more colors down. I love to see her mind working to figure out something when I ask her what something is.

Sophie's hair is getting pretty long too. I've been trying to make more of an effort to do something with it most days. She's getting better about being patient while I work with her hair.

Edward is also getting so tall. His cutest thing right now is using his fork. He's actually been using a fork for quite sometime, but now when he has a hard time getting food onto the fork, instead of going straight for the fingers, he picks up the food and places it on the fork and then attempts to get the fork into his mouth with the food intact. Its' so cute.

Edward is definitely a problem solver. He really likes to figure something out. Lately he's been using various toys to climb into the pack n play, which he not allowed to do. So if I take a toy away, he goes and gets another one. When all the big toys are taken away, he then goes and finds other objects to stand on. Sometimes the kitchen gets quite filled with various toys!

Edward's hair is also getting longer and he is going to get a hair cut pretty soon!

Edward absolutely adores his baby sister, Daphne. He looks on her with such adoration and love, it is so beautiful. I think the feeling is mutual. Daphne will just smile up at him and coo at him and talk to him in baby talk. And Edward just smiles and smiles at her.

Speaking of Daphne, she'll be four months old on the 6th! I cannot believe time has gone by so quickly! Well, I can, but still. Daphne is a very happy little baby. I love how she seems to smile with her whole body. When you smile at her, she'll curl her legs up and smile back at you so big. She started grabbing her feet and playing with her toes this past week. It's so adorable! She seems to really love playing with them. She also grabs toys and holds them. I haven't seen her pass a toy from one hand to another yet, but I'm sure that's coming soon. She also swivels around the floor so she can face something else that she wants to see. It's just fun having her around and I'm so glad that we have her.

Nursing is still going, which I am really happy about. It has been pretty hard to stay hydrated now that the dry, winter weather has moved in. So there have been a few feedings where it seems that Daphne doesn't get enough to eat. I have started drinking mother's milk tea to help increase my supply, and I can tell that definitely makes a difference.

Got to run, kids are trying to help type the post . . . :)

Trying to be content

2011-12-03T18:13:00.000-06:00

I have to be honest, I have really being struggling with being content in my life for a while now. I mean, I do love that I can stay home with the kids and I don't have to go out and work . .. it's just that, sometimes, I find myself wondering "what else is there?"

Maybe it's just because I'm a bit tired this week.

I had so many dreams and aspirations when I was growing up, and honestly, sometimes I really wish my parents hadn't kept drilling into my head that I could do anything I wanted. Because it just isn't true. I don't really know if that is true for anyone. Maybe it is. If it is true, does it make that person selfish because they don't take into account anyone else in their life and how they feel in getting to their dream? (I.e. a spouse if they get married?)

I don't want to have regrets in my life, but I find myself constantly (it seems) reminded of hopes and plans that I had that never panned out. Yes, I realize and accept that is completely my responsibility that they didn't pan out. No one else made my choices for me; I did that all on my own. I own up to the consequences of my choices, good and bad.

I so wish I had been wiser when I was younger. Who doesn't?

Because I've been having these internal struggles, I have also been trying to remind myself of all the things I am so thankful for in my life. And that I wouldn't be where I am, and who I am, today if I hadn't taken the road in life that I did. I wouldn't have the testimony of Christ's Saving work in my life if I hadn't gone through everything that I have. And I am so incredibly grateful for what Jesus has done for me.

I guess I just wish I had a redo button on some things. Despite myself and what I just wrote. It's a struggle.

So my prayer for today is this: "Lord, please help me to be content with my life. You have given me a good husband, beautiful children with that husband, a beautiful home, a mind and body that I can use, great friends who love and support me. Please take away this seed of discontentment in my life and give me Your joy which surpasses all understanding. Please help me to forgive myself for the mistakes I made, and to learn from them, possibly even to help others through what I went through. Thank you Lord for all that You have done for me on the cross, all that You have given me, all that You do for me each and every day. Thank you most of all for Your unceasing and never-ending love. In Jesus name, Amen."

Being Thankful

2011-11-30T19:20:00.001-06:00

No, this is not a late Thanksgiving day post. J

Recently in my quiet time with the Lord (I’m still not getting up early to do it, but I am doing it), the Lord has been telling me that a Thank offering is much more fragrant to Him than burnt sacrifices. Not that I regularly slaughter a cow for the Lord . . . in today’s terms, perhaps that could be equated to works. What I do in the name of the Lord is not always what is most appreciated (not sure if that is the right word or not) by the Lord.

So what does He want? He wants my attitude to one of thankfulness.

There are so many places in the Bible where the Lord tells us to be thankful – even when asking for something in prayer, we should ask with thanksgiving.

Today I feel that I had a test. You know, to see if I have been paying attention.

I don’t know if the Lord considers that I passed or not, but I feel a lot better about my present situation (I’ll explain in a minute).

It started yesterday. Well, really it started Monday. Monday wasn’t bad, it was just busy. Really, really busy. Read: no nap for Mommy. Then yesterday the kids were being pretty typical toddlers. Playing and busy. Naughty every once in a while. A friend invited me over for lunch (what a Godsend she is!) and so I agreed to come over. My sanity was rapidly being whittled down to its’ last strings . .. Because I had slept in, I hadn’t taken a shower or gotten dressed yet, so I took Daphne upstairs to get stressed shortly before we were going to leave. I can hear the kids downstairs playing (and getting into a dispute, which they resolved when they saw my face appear at the top of the landing). I continue getting dressed and getting Daphne dressed (because at this point, she had spit up all over her outfit). I realize later that it has gotten quiet downstairs.

Too quiet.

Daphne and I re-emerge from upstairs, all dressed and ready to go. I even had a new hair thing in my hair. Kids are not in the living room. Actually there’s no sign of them.

Not a good sign.

I get to the dining room seconds later and this kids are having a paper party. With the files from the filing cabinet. Well, a good bit of them anyway. ::sigh::

Shortly afterwards, while putting Daphne in her car seat in the kitchen, the kids remove all the wipes from the wipes container one by one and place them all over the living room.

You ever have a morning like that??

Sierra was a huge help to me just hanging out for a good part of the rest of the day. J Thank you Sierra!

Today I had PWOC. And I overslept. I had planned on snoozing just five more minutes. You know how it is in the mornings . . . well, over an hour later, I woke up. Oh – I have to leave in 45 minutes! And shower. And get all the kids up. And breakfast should happen somewhere in there.

Well, we only arrived 20 minutes late for PWOC. Yay! I didn’t even miss any of Bible study, just the opening stuff.

PWOC was great. It was our last Bible study small group for this particular study, so it was bittersweet. My small group this semester has been so wonderful.

After PWOC the kids were just running off in different directions and I just could not keep ahold of them. A friend helped me take the kids out to the van (thank you so much Soni!) and we got everyone all buckled in and set to go. I was planning on going to McDonald’s to get lunch because I just felt too tired to even try to find something to fix for lunch.

Put the key in the ignition.

Weird sounds. No sound of the van starting.

I try again. Nope.

Sophie’s in the back saying “Mommy, turn the van on.”

“It won’t turn on Sophie.”

Call Mike. No answer. Call him again. No answer. Call his work number. That’s not his work number anymore. When did that change??

Okay. Call his new work number that they gave me. Voicemail.

I’m sensing a trend here. I text him and get the kids out of the van.

We walked home from the chapel. I didn’t have the double stroller with me, so Edward rode in the stroller, I wore Daphne in a wrap and Sophie walked.

Sophie was such a little trooper. It took us forty minutes to get him and Sophie walked 35 of those minutes. She never complained once, just chattered the whole back about rocks and turtles and water and dogs.

Honestly, I was too tired to get mad about any of this. I just wanted to get home and go to sleep. I kept thinking to myself, this is just one of those weeks. Like one of those days.

Of course as soon as we got in the door, the kids started acting up. By now it was twenty to one, so they were pretty hungry and tired. I just ignored Sophie’s tirade and fixed lunch and we sat down for lunch. Once they got food, their attitudes changed immediately. And I mean immediately.

As I was thinking about what a week it was while I was fixing lunch, a thought came to my mind: Be Thankful. In all things.

Okay. So I thought about it. In this situation, this is what I’m thankful for:

That we were on base and able to walk home in a reasonably short amount of time.

The kids didn’t cry or complain or try to run off on the walk home.

That I had my wrap in the van so I could wear Daphne home.

That we have a van at all, even if it isn’t currently starting.

That our financial situation isn’t so bad that we can’t fix whatever is wrong with the van.

That I had the strength to walk home with the kids.

That it wasn’t frigidly cold or raining or anything like that while we were walking home.

That I have three beautiful children.

That I have a phone where I could call someone for help.

That I have a husband that I could call.

So by the time we sat down for lunch and I said the prayer, I just felt so thankful. Really. The van can be fixed. I can rearrange my schedule of appointments until it does get fixed.

The Lord is always with us and we should always be thankful. There truly is always something to be thankful for. We may have to look really hard for it, but it’s there. J

Diametrically Opposed Views

2011-11-21T18:07:00.000-06:00

I have written a few times about the reactions I get from the general public when I am out and about with my children. This week is no different in that I got opinions, although it was different in what those opinions were.

It was also different in that these two particular opinions were completely opposite. Even diametrically opposed if you will.

The first one was when I was at the commissary and it was a bagger named Dominic who was taking my bagged groceries out to my van. I was wearing Daphne in a wrap and he commented on how cute she was and what a blessing little babies are. He asked me if she was my first (I didn't have Sophie and Edward with me) and I said no, she was my third. I gave their ages, to which he exclaimed "That's wonderful! That's how it should be! My brother and I are exactly twelve months apart and my daughters had their kids really close too." And he was smiling. He genuinely meant it. He shared how when his daughter got pregnant with twins, she was really petite like me, and he prayed every day for those babies and at one point he and his wife went out to help her during the pregnancy.

I found it incredibly encouraging to meet a man who obviously loved children and was open about his faith as well. It was encouraging in how he saw children as a wonderful blessing of God. He really just made my whole week. :)

The other view was when we were all at IHOP after picking my Dad up at the airport on Saturday. So it was Mike and I, the three kiddos and my Dad. The kids were very well behaved during the whole meal - no crying, no throwing food, no coloring on the table (although Edward did color on the inside of the little table tipi that had the deserts on it). The waitress we had was very nice. Until. Yes, until. She was cleaning off the table opposite us where another very quiet child, probably three years old, had eaten with her Dad, or GrandDad. Children are messy eaters, given that they are learning to use utensils and don't have the years of practice that adults do (and hey, some of us are still messy!), so naturally she had made a small mess. As the waitress was cleaning up, she very loudly exclaims "I hate other people's children!".

Um, excuse me - there is a family with three very young children all of three and a half feet away from you. Mike and I were quite offended. Luckily for the waitress, my Dad was paying. (I'm not saying I wouldn't have tipped her, she just would have gotten the bare minimum 10% from me, and not the usual 20%).

The lesson in this: children are a blessing and if you believe that, speak your mind. You never know who you'll encourage. :)

If you're a waitress, keep your opinion about children to yourself or wait until after closing time to vent your frustration. You're getting paid to clean that table. I would know, I used to be a waitress. You never know who is listening and what it might cost you (literally).

If Dominic should ever read this (which I highly doubt), Thank you so much for your encouraging dialogue! It meant more to me that you will ever know! :)

Accommodation Medal for Mike!

2011-11-21T17:50:00.000-06:00

I am so incredibly proud of my husband! I'm always proud of him, but today I am especially proud because he got an Accommodation Medal for Outstanding Achievement! :D

Mike said that I could write what the award said (read: unclassified), so I'll just do that (okay, I'll abbreviate a few things), since it sounds so much better than anything that I could say. :)

"Staff Sergeant Michael A. V_B_ distinguished himself by outstanding achievement as Mobile Satellite Ground System Technician, Mobile Range Flight, Space Test Branch, Space Development and Test Directorate, Space and Missile Systems Center, Air Force Space Command, Kirtland Air Force Base, New Mexico. Sergeant V_B_'s extraordinary technical skills proved invaluable during a critical circuit failure at the [RDTESC]. He demonstrated technical expertise setting up and operating an S-band Transportable Ground System. He safely and effectively assisted in the assembly of all equipment in eight hours, reducing setup time by 80 percent, which resulted in immediate command and control of five ailing satellites worth 75 million dollars. He supported 84 hours of constant up time directly contributing to the successful satellite anomaly resolution. Sergeant V_B_'s efforts in support of the Division Chief's vision of the M_ to M_ upgrade resulted in a cost saving of 2.5 million dollars and 18 month reduction in the development time line. Sergeant V_B_'s distinctive accomplishments reflect credit upon himself and the United States Air Force."

Wow!! I am so proud of my wonderful husband! :D

Friends and Advice

2011-11-16T22:47:00.000-06:00

I have always considered myself okay (read: not good, definitely not great) at making friends; retaining them however, is something entirely different. I want to be brutally honest in this post - I just don't think I am very good at keeping friends. I have had too many friends that have dropped out of my life and I never found out why. Too many really to be a coincidence.

After this happened [again] recently, I finally learned why this happens. I like to give advice, which I admit, is usually unsolicited. I have a tendency to give helpful hints, suggestions, summaries of various clinical trial data, synopsis of helpful books I've read and just plain opinions on any variety of subjects. If you know me in person, you know exactly what I'm talking about. The thing is, I didn't realize how often I do this until some close self examination that I did recently (like in the last two weeks).

I also didn't learn until recently, last week, that giving unsolicited advice is often seen as offensive (yes, I'm nearly 30 and I'm just now learning this). Honestly, I really had no idea until a lady at Bible study shared about a conference workshop she took on unoffendable love. She shared how some women who give unsolicited advice don't mean to be offensive. I was shocked (yes, shocked!) that unsolicited advice is really offensive to most people.

The reason I was so shocked is because I myself love unsolicited advice from people. I have always been thankful to have someone care enough, even if it was a total stranger, to tell me what they thought or what they did if they had been through a similar situation or event. When I receive unsolicited advice, I listen and I think about how it might apply to my given circumstance or event and I decide either to take the advice or leave it. And I am thankful either way. Some of the best advice I have ever gotten was unsolicited and I am so thankful for those people who spoke out and gave their opinion or relayed what happened to them or told me about what they read in a book. Naturally, I never considered that unsolicited advice might be offensive.

When I thought back about why this particular friend was usually avoiding me, always had a ready excuse to not hang out (even if I hadn't specified a time or date), and refused just about every dinner invitation, play date, etc, (and this went on for months - you'd think I would get the hint sooner), I thought about why this might be. She had never said anything to me about having offended her. And then after learning that advice is usually not welcome unless asked for, I realized that I had given her quite a bit of advice. She was going through her first pregnancy, so naturally I volunteered all kinds of information about everything from morning sickness to labor and delivery options. I had well researched all kinds of things related to pregnancy and child birth during and after my three pregnancies. No wonder she doesn't want to have anything to do with me!

All I want to do when is help people. I am a helper. I have always been a helper. Even when I was a little kid I was always trying to help people do whatever I could. I want to share with people what I have learned, especially if I learned a lesson from a painful mistake. My motivation in giving helpful hints, suggestions, etc has always been to help. I truly never considered it to be taken as offensive. I may be naive, but so be it.

With all of this being said, I want to put this out there: if I have ever offended you by offering unsolicited advice of any kind or in any form, I am very sorry. I do hope that you will forgive me. Truly my intention was only to help. Never at any time did I think you weren't capable of doing your own research or coming to your own conclusions. Never did I consider you to be inferior to myself or think I was better than you or more knowledgable than you. If I have ever put my foot in my mouth (I know I have done that a lot!), I am so sorry. I have had to learn a lot of lessons the really hard way, and so when I see someone who is going through the same thing I went through, I want to help - and by helping, sometimes all I know to do is share what I learned. Why? Because I want to spare the pain that I suffered.

Patsy Clairmont's message at Women of Faith underscored all of this for me in what she shared: sometimes we just need to shut up, in the name of Jesus. So I am working on that. And believe me, it is hard!

"Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent, and discerning if they hold their tongues." Proverbs 17:28

Women of Faith Oklahoma City!

2011-11-16T16:00:00.001-06:00

Update: I have found the camera cable to the computer! Yay! So I will add some pics! :D
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What an amazing weekend at Women of Faith this past weekend! Mike and I and all the kids made the trek out to Oklahoma City from Albuquerque so that I could attend Women of Faith, courtesy of BookSneeze (a HUGE Thank You to BookSneeze!!). More on the drive later . . .

Women of Faith is a unique event of inspiring speakers and amazing praise and worship. There is nothing like thousands of women singing a hymn of praise to our amazing Savior and Lord! I invited my friend Colleen with me (and it was totally a God thing that Colleen was able to go!) and I also brought my three month old infant, Daphne, with me. Daphne got a lot of compliments and comments on getting started attending Women of Faith early. I did take pictures, but alas the camera cord has gone missing . . . it might have gotten left behind in Oklahoma . . . so pictures will have to come later!

Patsy Clairmont was the first speaker on Friday morning and boy did she have words of wisdom for us women: shut up, in the name of Jesus! :) Of course, the way she said it sounds much better than how I am writing it; Patsy just oozes with humor in her words and actions. She based her message on Proverbs [17:28] that even fools are thought wise if they don’t say anything and the wise hold their tongues. That spoke to me personally as I am quite good at giving unsolicited advice, in the name of helping. I like to talk, and I know that there are many times when I should have kept silent instead of saying anything at all; it was good to hear Patsy talk about what we should do instead. Patsy also said that there are three things we should all learn to say: Yes! As in, yes Lord, I want to do Your will. Thank you! As in, Thank you Lord for all that you have given me and blessed me with and No, as in a holy No when our plate is full or when we need to be focusing on spending more time on the priorities that the Lord has given to us (husband, children, etc). Those are words I need to practice saying more often! Thank you Patsy for your message!

Andy Anderson was the next speaker; he came from a small town of about 4,000 which had two famous people, one of which was an author – and he was it! (I thought the way he put that was pretty funny.) I hadn’t heard of Andy before today (although I had seen his book on BookSneeze, I just didn’t recognize the name) and Andy was hilarious. He was so full of energy and was literally bouncing all over the stage (and off the stage). Andy had some good words of wisdom for us on how we ask questions. For example, instead of asking “Is this wrong?” perhaps we should be asking another question of ourselves.

Brenda Warner shared her amazing testimony with us on Saturday morning (she was impressive with her splits too!). Brenda joined the Marines at age 18, and by 21 was married and a mother. An accident left her infant son permanently blind and with traumatic brain injury. When she was eight months pregnant with her second child, her husband announced he was attracted to another woman and was leaving. From being a married mom to a single mom on welfare, Brenda shared how her faith in the Lord grew and how she relied on Him daily. Through the loss of her parents in a tornado, her future-husband, Kurt, saw her grieve and wrestle with the Lord in her grief and through that struggle came to know Christ as His Savior. They now have seven children, including her first two, which Kurt adopted. Hearing Brenda tell her story and how the Lord brought her through her struggles in such a powerful way was really awesome. I feel that I actually was the most inspired by what Brenda had to say, hearing how the Lord delivered her from really tough circumstances and seeing what grew from the ashes of loss and abandonment. The Lord was always faithful to her, never wavering, bringing her through the toughest and blackest times. That same Lord and God is the Lord and God that I serve and Brenda’s message was a powerful reminder of that.

Lisa Whelchel, Sandi Patti, Amy Grant and Marilyn Meberg were also there to share their amazing stories of faith with us. Sandi Patti also graced us with a duet with her husband, a truly special treat! It really was an amazing time of corporate worship with many other ladies and I am so thankful for the opportunity to be able to attend. Thank you so much BookSneeze! :)

Bread bowls and lentil soup

2011-11-07T15:56:00.000-06:00

Fall has definitely arrived and it has started to get quite chilly around here. And what does chilly weather mean to me? Well, a few things, but right now I'm thinking soup! There is nothing like a good, hearty soup on a cold day. And there is nothing like the smell of fresh baked bread on a cold day either. So I have combined the two.

I got a recipe from Concetta's Cafe over the summer for Italian Lentil Soup and I decided that I would use one of my many bags of lentils and make it. And then my friend Michelle had posted this delicious recipe for homemade wheat bread bowls on FB, so I decided to try my hand at that as well.

Two new recipes in one day with three children (under the age of three)! I knew I had my work cut out for me, so I started pretty early. I figured it would take at least three hours to make the bread and several hours to make the soup (including bread rising and soup simmering). So I started soaking the lentils and chopping the veggies about mid-morning.

Of course I had was interrupted numerous times to nurse the baby, stop petty squabbles between Sophie and Edward, change diapers, get sippys and I think I even put in a load of laundry or two . . .

Two and a half hours later, I had all the veggies chopped, all the ingredients for the bread out on the counter and kids were all fed and in bed to nap (well, Daphne was napping in the swing). (I love how babies just kind of schedule themselves with the older kids in the house!) So I got to work on making the bread bowls.

First problem: directions said "add sugar", there was no sugar listed in the ingredients section. Triple check to make sure I'm not missing something because I'm tired or something. Nope. Nope. Nope. I refer to the back of the yeast jar and find out how much sugar to add. That problem was easy to solve.

Next step: directions say "knead dough in your mixer", as in kitchen mixer. That is non-existent in my house. I have no idea how to knead dough. I keep my computer on the kitchen counter, for occasion such as this, among other things, and youtube kneading dough. I have to watch the video about 5 times to make sure I had exactly right. Meanwhile I'm kneading the dough, putting my flour-y fingers on my laptop to push pause and play and kneading the dough some more.

Kneading dough by hand is a work out, let me tell you! It is really fun though, so I am not regretting the lack of a kitchen mixer at this point.

I get the dough kneaded just as Daphne wakes up ready to eat again. I turn the dough into the bowl and let it rise. I nurse Daphne, put her back in the swing and go back to work on the lentil soup.

After the bread had risen, I was supposed to divide it into three balls of dough and score the top. I have no idea how to score bread. Back to youtube to find out how. I sharpened my knife and very carefully scored the bread and set it aside to rise some more.

An hour later, I popped the bread into the oven; it baked and then I cut out the top to make the bowl for it.

Everything turned out well and on top and the bread bowls were delicious. So much so that my husband requested them every time we have soup. Score one for me for the first time making them!

I used the scooped out insides of the bread bowl to make bread pudding, which was really delicious too (another first time in making).

Book Review: Pershing by John Perry

2011-11-06T18:10:00.000-06:00

Most people have heard the expression that “If we don’t learn from history, we are doomed to repeat it.” I have never seen this more true than in reading about General John J. Pershing in Pershing, part of the Generals series, by John Perry. Pershing is a biography of General Pershing, who was eventually the General of the Armies, the only other General besides George Washington to receive this distinction.

Regarded as one of the most influential military leaders in our history, Gen. Pershing had an amazing military career that included time in New Mexico, where he befriended Native Americans and earned their trust, instead of fighting them, to the Battle of Wounded Knee at Pine Ridge in South Dakota, to a teaching appointment at West Point to San Juan Hill in Cuba in the Spanish-American War to Mexico going after Pauncho Villa, then onto the Philippines where he won the hearts of the Moro people, then finally to France during World War I, where he was the main forcing in stopping the Germans just short of reaching Paris.

Gen. Pershing was a strong leader who took the smallest details to be of great importance. He was not always liked by his men, who never saw the softer side of the General who cried over the millions of soldiers who were killed in action in Europe or the General who earned the respect and friendship of the Native Americans and the Philippine Moro peoples, instead of fighting to conquer them. He led a regiment of Buffalo Soldiers in the Cuban campaign in the Spanish-American war; at a time when prejudices were the norm, Gen. Pershing treated all men with equal respect. Gen. Pershing thought outside the norm of tactics in all his areas of leadership: when some of the Islamic Moro warriors would tie long swords to their arms and go into the markets on murder/suicide missions (the predecessor to the modern suicide bomber), he had the warrior buried with a pig, putting an end to the murderous rampages that killed many women and children. In Europe, he stood his ground refusing to amalgamate the US troops with French and British fighting forces and instead broke the German lines with an offensive attack, perhaps saving millions more men from dying in the trenches. Pershing had a vision for the future of warfare, and today we are still using his theories of modern warfare.

I really enjoyed reading Pershing and I would recommend it for any history buff,( and anyone who is interested in stopping the Islamic suicide bombers in the Middle East). I picked this book because there is a park on our Air Force base named after Gen. Pershing, and I thought that I should know more about the man whom it is named after. I didn’t realize that Pershing is one of the greatest Generals who ever lead American troops in battle; that he is a General who has somehow faded into the background when he should be learned about in every history classroom in this country. Perry’s book is a page-turner that reads like an adventure story which jumps right off the pages. I give it 4 out of 5 stars.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze.com <http://BookSneeze.com> book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 <http://www.access.gpo.gov/nara/cfr/waisidx_03/16cfr255_03.html> : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Another Daphne update

2011-10-20T00:37:00.000-05:00

I just want to give another quick Daphne update before I head to bed.

We went to see the nephrologist (kidney doctor) a few weeks back to follow up for the ultrasound she had the day she was born. The doctor thought she might have a horse shoe kidney and wanted to do another ultrasound a test called a VCUG to see if she had any urine backing up into her kidneys. It was just kind of a ruling out thing for both.

He said that if she had a horse shoe kidney, basically it would mean that her kidneys would be attached at the bottom, essentially giving her one kidney, but with the function of two. She wouldn't be able to do contact sports like football or hockey in her life (which I don't want her doing anyway . . .) He didn't seem too worried and I wasn't really worried either. The possible horse shoe kidney seemed kind of like an after thought since it wasn't confirmed or anything.

So last Thursday we had the ultrasound and the VCUG at Presbyterian Hospital.

She did great during the ultrasound and actually nursed while the tech did the ultrasound. She said her right kidney looked fine, but then got a bit quieter when she scanned her left kidney. I was a bit preoccupied with Daphne, so I wasn't watching the screen when she scanned the left kidney.

I asked if she thought they were connected and she didn't, but she said that her left kidney had some kind of abnormality - it didn't end where it was supposed to. She said she couldn't really say anything though because she wasn't a doctor. I understand that.

I asked her how the VCUG was done and she was surprised that the doctor had ordered one, especially when I said that Daphne had not had a bladder infection or anything. She said it if were her, she would wait until she got a bladder infection or something since the test is a bit invasive.

She took me back out to the waiting area (I wasn't going to skip out on a test the doctor ordered) and we waited for the x-ray tech to call us back to the VCUG.

Basically for the VCUG, they put a catheter in her bladder, and then fill her bladder with a fluid with a special dye in it, and then they take x-rays (fluroscopy) of her bladder and kidneys and then they take the catheter out and have her urinate to see if she has any urine backing up into the kidneys.

None of this is pleasant to an adult who can reason and be patient and deal with the discomfort and pain. To an infant - it's just invasive and they don't understand. I asked if they would give her a mild sedative and the tech said no because she was too small and "she wouldn't remember the pain anyway".

Not something a mother wants to hear.

So of course Daphne cried and cried the whole time. I thing once the catheter was in she was crying more because she couldn't move her legs (I had to keep them still) more than anything else.

After what seemed like so long, but was probably 15-20 minutes, the radiologist (an MD) finally came in to do the x-rays and the rest of the test. She was really good, very quick and it seemed like it hardly took any time at all.

Daphne really cried and cried when she couldn't see me (I was now standing at the head of the bed behind her) and when the doc was positioning her for all the x-rays and such.

When we were all finished and I had picked up Daphne to comfort her, the radiologist showed me on the screen where the urine was backing up.

It was backing up all the way up into her kidneys on both sides. The dye lit up the screen.

"This is not what we want to see. She has Grade 4 kidney reflux. We'll be seeing her again."

I was just shocked. I don't think anyone, including the kidney doc, had expected to see anything out of the ordinary. I was really just down about the whole thing. My poor little baby.

I did some research when I went home and from what I've read on the internet, Grade 4 is severe (Grade 5 being the worst) and is usually corrected with surgery. The rest of what I read, (lots of infections, being on constant antibiotics, etc) was not fun to read either.

I am glad that we caught this problem really early so that we can treat it. And I am very grateful that it is treatable, even if the treatment is surgery. I just hope and pray that Daphne isn't in pain from this.

We follow up with the kidney doc in two weeks so I'll have more definite answers then.

Worst Mom Ever??

2011-10-20T00:18:00.000-05:00

Yesterday my friend Karen came over and we finally got to hang out. It was really great getting to hang out with Karen, especially since we've been trying to get together literally for months, but someone always gets sick or something comes up last minute.

So Karen was getting her baby fix holding Daphne and Daphne needed a diaper change, so Karen offered while I took care of Sophie and Edward. While Karen was changing Daphne's diaper, she noticed that Daphne turned a bit blue around the mouth area. She called me over to have a look and I just kind of waived it off as being because of the altitude. I thought this because a nurse at the hospital said that high altitude babies can sometimes be a bit blue as infants . . .

Fast forward to this afternoon. It had been a long day for some reason. I just was in a zombie-tired state most of the day, mixing up people's names at PWOC and everything. I didn't nap because I had a ton of things to do around the house, so around 1500, I take a break from the house cleaning and go upstairs to nurse Daphne in the bed room. I lay her down on the bed next to me as I'm getting ready to nurse her and I'm looking at her all smiling and bright-eyed, and there it is again. She's all blue around the mouth. Basically from her nostrils down to her chin. And her hands are bluish too.

So feeling like maybe I should be a responsible mother I should call the pediatrician and talk to the nurse and I'm sure it will be no big deal. I was honestly looking forward to just relaxing for a little bit nursing Daphne and reading. So I get the message-taker guy on the line and after I say "blue", he's says, "Oh, let me get someone to talk to you right now."

So I hold for a few more minutes and a lady comes on the line and I explain why I'm calling again and she's asks me to hold so she can transfer me.

Another lady comes on the line and I explain again why I'm calling. I'm still calm, not very concerned, although getting a bit there. After I say "blue" however, the lady on the other end of the line is VERY concerned. She asks me questions in a clipped, hurried voice: "Is her chest sunken in? Is she having trouble breathing."

Um, no and let me check. No. Is her chest sunken in?? Really??

She says that I need to go to Urgent Care immediately, the one at the hospital. And then call for a follow up appointment if I need to. And she didn't say it a nice, laid back tone either. Her tone implied urgency. Emergency urgency.

Now I'm worried. And I feel horrible because this started yesterday and I blew it off.

I called a few friends and my friend Mindy was able to come over. She was literally over in three minutes. (She does live next door.) I was so thankful that she was able to come over so quickly.

I already had Daphne in the carrier so I headed out. Mike called as I was walking out the door so I filled him in.

And of course it's the time of the day when a lot of people are leaving the base. That means a long line of cars all the way to the interstate. ::sigh:: I was so afraid that something was seriously wrong with Daphne and what is something happened to her because I blew off what was going on yesterday?? I was holding back tears and I just decided I needed to put on my brave face. And of course I was in the slow lane and all these cars were passing me on the middle lane so I couldn't change lanes.

The irony that I was now trying to rush when I had waited a whole day to call did not escape me. It was as if a few minutes were going to make a difference now that I knew that something could be wrong.

I finally made it to urgent care and got checked in. I changed Daphne's diaper and she was a bit upset, so I thought she might want to nurse.

I was so tense and she was so upset with the nursing cover I actually ended up taking it off. I really didn't care. And it was pretty much all moms in the waiting area and they all seemed to have this knowing look of mutual concern and understanding and gave me privacy. I appreciated it. Daphne pretty much fought me for 5 or so minutes, so I gave up and she cried for another 15 minutes and finally went to sleep. Immediately after she fell asleep on my chest, we got called back for triage. She actually slept through it though. Her pulse ox was normal, so that was a relief.

Then we waited another hour and a half and we were finally called back. She slept the whole time we waited and then nursed after we got moved back into the exam room.

Luckily about two minutes after she finished nursing, the doctor came in. He got her history (I was so tired I couldn't remember the names of things - it was that thing coming off her aorta went away type of explanations). Then he did the exam. She did the turning blue thing while he was doing the exam, so I was glad he was able to see what I was talking about.

He said she had a normal exam and that he thought that she had peripheral cyanosis.

Basically, she was getting blue because she was cold.

Yes, cold.

Yes, the diagnosis was: your baby is cold. You need to dress her more warmly, have her wear a hat, etc.

I didn't know if I felt worse because she was turning blue because she was cold, like I keep my house at frigid temperatures or something (I don't) or don't dress her (I do), or because I waited so long to take her to urgent care when it could have been something serious.

I feel like some kind of terrible mom. I do dress Daphne in what I thought was warm clothes: a long sleeved onesie with pants and socks or a sleeper, usually with a short sleeved onesie underneath. And she almost always has at least a receiving blanket on. I double swaddle her at night.

She is really tiny though - still only 9#12oz (which means she hasn't gained any weight in two weeks since her well child check - sigh).

I could plead ignorance, as my other two babies were spring babies, but that would be wrong. Ignorance is a great killer and ignorant though I may be, it is no excuse.

I just feel awful. I don't think the doctor thought very much of me as a mom. I don't blame him.

Sometimes I feel like I'm still in such a brain fog that I just kind of slide through my day without noticing things. It really drives me crazy. I don't want to be oblivious to my children, or their needs. I had one parent who was like that and it really drove me crazy. I don't want to be so introverted that I'm not aware of what's going on around me.

I would really appreciate any suggestions to cure this brain fog thing so that I can be a better mom to my kids. They deserve a better mom.

Our Last Great Hope by Ronnie Floyd

2011-10-19T22:47:00.000-05:00

Conviction is not something that any person can make another person feel. True conviction is the work of the Holy Spirit. Ronnie Floyd’s book Our Last Great Hope is a book with the mark of the conviction of the Holy Spirit woven throughout. Floyd’s book is about Matthew 28:19-20: the Great Commission. Floyd’s message is loud and clear: Christians need to be about the business of making disciples of peoples of all nations; that it is a command for all, not just a special few. Floyd outlines in his book the various ways that Christians can go and made disciples, starting with making sure that we are in God’s Word and being disciple ourselves. Floyd goes on to share how parents can disciple their children, how churches can get out and make disciples and the people of God can reach every person in the world for the glory of God.

I found Our Last Great Hope to be a well written, well thought out and well planned book that addresses how the church can go about making disciples on a personal level, a local level, a national level and a global level. The Great Commission was Jesus’ last command to us and I personally am very glad to see how serious it is being taken by the some of the great mission boards of our time (as written about by Floyd). I was also challenged by his book: am I doing what I should be doing in making fellow disciples? Any book that causes thoughtful self reflection and evaluation is a book that is worth reading. I would recommend this book to any Christian because as Christians we need to be serious about carrying out the Lord’s purpose for us here on this Earth. Floyd captures the essence and urgency of that purpose throughout his book, and he has an action plan.

“Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” Matthew 28:19-20 (NIV)

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze.com <http://BookSneeze.com> book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 <http://www.access.gpo.gov/nara/cfr/waisidx_03/16cfr255_03.html>: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

First days

2011-10-16T23:39:00.000-05:00

After Daphne was born, and after the blissful time of holding her after and getting to know her face to face, I was able to eat a sandwich and chips while the nurse got Daphne's measurements and took her footprints and all that.

I am telling you, the best food you'll ever have is whatever you eat after you give birth, which in my experience has been ham or turkey sandwiches with chips. Nothing tastes as good as that when you've been in labor!

On with the story . . . it didn't seem like very long passed before we were taken down to the 4th floor to the post partum wing. (I thought it was interesting that Daphne was born on a 5th floor and we went down a 4th floor and Sophie and Edward it was the opposite at OUMC - they were born on the 4th floor and we went up to the 5th floor.) Apparently a lot of women had given birth the day before and that day, so they were really full. Our room was at the very end of the hall and it was pretty small, but there was a bed for Mike too, so it was perfect. :) We got there maybe about 0400 or so and got situated. I was pretty swollen after giving birth, so the midwife had suggested I have a catheter put in while I still had the effects of the epidural, so I had that there. In hindsight, I probably didn't need it. I was more swollen after I had Edward and I don't remember having one then. Anyway . . . Daphne slept for quite a while, as infants do in the first eight to ten hours, and I tried to get some sleep. I don't remember what time I woke up, maybe 0600 or 0700, but I ordered breakfast. Mike was still asleep. Sometime in the eight o'clock hour, Daphne woke up and I tried nursing her. The nurse had brought me a nipple shield at my request earlier in the morning.

Sometime around 0830, Daphne was spitting up some of that fluid they get in their stomach and lungs and at one point she turned blue. And not just her face, but her chest too. I called the nurse as I was turning her over and patting her on the back. While I was on the phone with the nurse Daphne did let out a loud cry, so I knew she could get air in and out. The nurse was there within 30 seconds and took her to the nursery. She said there were a lot nurses in the nursery and that she would be right back to get me and take me down there. I still had the catheter in, so I just waited for her to come back like she said she would.

Two minutes went by. Then five.

Then ten. Then fifteen.

Then I started to freak out and think that something had happened. I kept listening for the loud speaker to call a code blue. I looked around the room while I was thinking and all of sudden a dream I had in the first trimester came back to me, where I had given birth to Daphne but she had died and the room in the dream looked exactly like the one I was in.

Then I really freaked out. I started to cry even though I was trying to be brave and strong and pray and rely on the Lord but the fear of losing my child and seeing her so blue when she was already seven hours old was so scary. I prayed and I tried to read a psalm or two but I couldn't see through my tears, so I texted a few close friends and asked them to pray for Daphne and I just prayed for the Lord to have mercy on her.

Mike woke up about that time and I explained to him what had happened as calmly as I could (I left out the part about the dream and the room looking the same), and by then I was starting to calm down a bit, and asked him if he could help me go to the nursery. I didn't want to call the nurse to come and get me because I was afraid of what might have happened - I wanted to see for myself, not hear about it on the phone.

I hadn't gotten up since I had arrived, so I had to change my pad and I had to figure out to unhook the catheter from the bed rail and carry it and walk with the catheter in to the nursery. So very slowly, although as fast as I could, but still much too slowly, I got ready to walk to the nursery.

As I said, I hadn't been up since I had arrived in that room, and hadn't stood since I had given birth. I was pretty weak and had to lean on Mike for support. So we walked all the way down the hall, from my room at the very end of the hall on one side of the hospital, all the way to the nursery, at the opposite end of the hall, at the other end of the hospital (same hallway). I carried my catheter bag in my hand as obscurely as I could, not that I cared all that much. I just wanted to get to my baby.

We stepped through the double security doors into the nursery and there were so many babies in the room! And over half of them had a full head of dark hair like Daphne. I peered from one bassinette to another, looking for my newborn baby. Mike spotted her before I did on the other side of the room under one of the lamps. She was alive! I was relieved. I prayed thanks to the Lord for sparing her, for His mercy. I asked the nurse is she was okay and she said she was, but she had some fluid in her stomach from the birth, which was normal. The nurse ended up lavaging her stomach (when I wasn't around) to get the fluid out. While we were there though, the nurse gave Daphne her bath. They gave me a chair to sit on since I was rather wobbly, and probably not looking so good, as I stood there holding my cath bag. After Daphne had her bath, the nurse got her swaddled up like a little burrito (you have to say it with an accent like one of Sophie's first nurses did two years ago) and back under the lights to get her temperature up.

Mike and I walked very slowly the long walk down the hall to our room and I ate some breakfast while we waited for the nurse to bring Daphne back. The pediatrician wanted to do her examination while Daphne was down there in the nursery. Mike had to go get some breakfast from the cafeteria.

The pediatrician did ask me about her history in the womb and her enlarged liver and said that she wanted to do an ultrasound of her heart and liver and also her sacrum, since she had a really deep sacral dimple.

The ultrasounds were done later in the afternoon and her heart and liver were fine. They were worried about her kidneys since they couldn't see the bottom of them. We were referred to the pediatric nephrologist, Dr. Miller, for follow up.

During the first few days of an infants life, it seems like there isn't a lot of sleeping, but in some ways, there is more than when you get home. So I napped when I could and whenever I was awake, except for when I was eating or taking a shower, I was holding Daphne. I think I held her a lot more than I did Sophie or Edward in the hospital. I did fall asleep holding her, which you aren't supposed to do, but I was just so grateful to have her and wanted to hold her as much as I could and bond with her as much as I could before I got home, where I knew my time would be divided.

The second day when the pediatrician did her examination, she heard a heart murmur that hadn't been there the day before, she ordered an echocardiogram to be done. That was done later that day. Dr. Raisher was the cardiologist who saw Daphne. More on that in a minute.

When my midwife, Gail, who was at the hospital on Saturday, came by, she said that I had the option of getting my tubes tied while I was in the hospital. I didn't know this before. I had already signed the consent in case I had to have a C-section to have my tubes tied, so I agreed to get them tied before I left the hospital. So that was scheduled for the following day. Normally I would have gone home that day (Sunday), but since I was going to get my tubes tied, I would be staying with Daphne until Monday night.

Sunday night we were moved down the other end of the hall (to a room twice the size) to be nearer to the nurse station so the nurse would have walk the length of the hospital just to come down to my room. Over 40 women had been discharged from the floor that Sunday, so I was the only patient left on that side of the hospital. (I did say there had been a lot of births the day before and the day Daphne was born!) It wasn't a big deal to move and I was glad to help my nurse out. She seemed quite relieved when I agreed! I don't blame her.

IV fluids were started at midnight so I wouldn't get dehydrated since I was NPO for the tubal after midnight. In the morning though when the midwife on call came for rounds, she said something about "since they canceled your tubal .. ." and I was like "whoa, wait a minute, I hadn't heard that." Apparently my platelets were low (this wasn't news to me, they had been low during my pregnancy), the doctor didn't want to do any unneeded cutting and putting more holes in me. I can appreciate that. So my tubal was canceled. And I had to follow up with hematology to make sure I didn't have something going on with my blood. (Long story short they thought I had a platelet immune disorder, I had some tests done and I don't have it and everything is back to normal now.)

The cardiologist, Dr. Raisher, came in a little bit later and explained the findings of Daphne's echo. The three holes in her heart that are normally open in the womb and close upon birth didn't close and she had something coming off of her aorta. So she had to follow up in a month or so. Long story short on that - we went to the follow up, she had another echocardiogram and all but one hole had closed and the one that didn't got smaller and the thing off of her aorta was gone. Praise the Lord!

We did have some visitors. Mike's parents arrived from South Dakota and came straight to the hospital, and they happened to arrive at the exact same time as my good friend Sierra, who brought Sophie and Edward to visit. So we all got to visit at the same time. It was so great to have family and close friends come to visit and meet Daphne. I'm so glad that Ruth and Paul were able to come be apart of Daphne's first days. I know Daphne won't remember, but I feel sure she will appreciate it one day. :)

During my hospital stay the food was great. Enough said about that. If you have to stay at Presbyterian, everything is really good. :) Not kidding. Especially the enchiladas. And the steak. Yes, steak.

The nursing staff was awesome. I don't have one bad thing to say about any of the nurses. They were so swamped, but they never made you feel like they didn't have time for you or that they were rushing. They were all wonderful.

I had a lot of help from the lactation consultants and they were all really awesome. I am so grateful for all their help and for getting Daphne and I off to a great start with nursing.

Overall, except for the blue scare, it was a great birth experience with Daphne. I didn't have her naturally (no drugs), but she came out healthy and that's the best I can ask and hope for. Presbyterian was a great place to have Daphne and if I have another child (which I sincerely doubt I will), I hope to have them there.

And then we got to go home, late Monday afternoon. And that's a whole other story. :)

Daphne's Birth Story

2011-10-16T22:45:00.002-05:00

I'm finally going to get Daphne's birth story written out. Yay! :) It's only taken me two months . . . anyway, if you're not into those kind of stories (and I don't leave out much details), you might want to skip this post. :) Unfortunately because I waited so long to write out Daphne's birth story, some of the details have been lost, to which I am remorseful about. I should have made the time to write it out a lot sooner. Email could have waited. Oh well. Here is what I have remembered:

To back up a bit for refresher for my readers, I had quite a few complications during Daphne's pregnancy. There were the multiple times of early onset of contractions, the hospitalization for pre-term labor at 31 weeks gestation, the polyhydramnios (too much amniotic fluid) and multiple visits to the OB urgent care to stop contractions. After all that (and two ultrasounds a week), I made it to full term - praise the Lord! I was free and clear to go into labor. Only I didn't.

And I didn't. I was still contracting, but not enough.

Week 38. Contractions actually started stopping. The polyhydramnios, as evidenced on ultrasound, got significantly worse, going from 25 cm to 33cm (or was it 35cm, I can't remember now) and so it was decided that I should be induced. There was a lot of worry about shoulder distocia. . . .

So I show up at the hospital at 7am on Friday, August 5th, exactly 39 weeks pregnant. Apparently I was the only one being induced that day and I was taken back to OB triage from OB admitting. After a little bit a nurse came into to admit me officially and said that there were a lot of patients coming in in active labor that morning, so it might be a little bit (a few hours) before they could get things started.

I wasn't too worried though, I knew everything would work out in God's perfect timing. And I had a really good book to read. :)

While I waited, I did get in a nice nap, which I was really glad about. I was so grateful that I had made it to 39 weeks, although the irony that I had to be induced after all the times that my labor had to be stopped did not escape me. The midwife also came in during that time and explained what was going to happen and said that they would get started with the induction as soon as they had a room open up in labor and delivery.

The plan was to do dilate my cervix manually with a balloon (I was a little afraid of what that would feel like), then once the balloon came out (which it would do on its' own once I made it to 4cm), then they would start the pitocin. I asked if they would start the pitocin if my body went into labor on its' own, and they said it depended on what my contractions looked like. I had hope that the balloon would jump start my body into labor and then my body would take over naturally on its' own.

So around noon or so, I was moved to labor and delivery and at 1300 the midwife and nurse came in to put in the balloon catheter. My IV was also put in at this point. So for the next few hours, I just waited for my cervix to dilate and read by book. As long as I didn't move, it wasn't bad at all. Moving was rather uncomfortable and I had to empty my bladder pretty often or that would get painful.

The last time I emptied my bladder with the balloon catheter in, it just fell right out, which meant that I was dilated to 4 cm. I was really surprised to see how big 4cm was, since the balloon was inflated to that. Although in hindsight, I shouldn't really have been, after all, I've two babies already come out that way!

The nurse came in just as I was coming out of the bathroom. My body was contracting, but not regular enough or strong enough to be in labor, so the nurse started me on the pitocin. I did ask if they could do the lowest amount possible and not turn it up too frequently, which the midwife agreed to the first. I was still really hoping my body would get going with things on its' own after a little pushing.

No such luck though.

So the pitocin was started about 1600. It actually wasn't too bad the first couple of hours. I continued to read my book. Mike had arrived sometime in the early afternoon after the balloon catheter was placed, so he was there now, so we talked a bit. I was only allowed to have clear liquids, so I did have some broth in the afternoon as well. The pitocin got my contractions going regularly and stronger than before, as it should have. At one point, when I was up to go the restroom, the battery on the pump with the pitocin died, and it took about 15 minutes or so before the nurse could come in to put in a new battery. (After the battery died, it wouldn't even turn back on when I plugged it back into the wall.) During that time, my contractions completely stopped. Completely. Not a single one. Which means that my body was completely relying on the pitocin drug to contract. I wasn't in labor of my own accord, physically. Again, the irony does not escape me.

The midwife and a doctor came in to break my water maybe an hour or two after the pitocin was started. Unfortunately once my water was broken, I wasn't really able to labor in the tub. I could have, but they didn't really want me to because of the risk of infection. So I didn't get to labor in the tub.

The contractions didn't get hard enough to have to breathe through until maybe 2000. But once they got that strong, they just got stronger and stronger more and more quickly. Mike was really great about rubbing my back and talking me through the contractions. I said a few memory verses over and over in my head during each contraction. Laboring on my hands and knees made the contractions easier to bare, but I found after an hour or so that I was quickly running out of strength. It was getting harder and harder just to stay on my knees, leaning on the raised head of the bed, gripping the pillow during each contraction. My legs started to really shake and felt like they were going to give out under me. And I knew I would still have to have strength to push Daphne out once the time came. I tried to lay on my side to get a little bit of rest, but when I returned to my knees leaning on the head of the bed, I had even less strength.

I talked this over with Mike (between contractions) and also the nurse and I really just felt in my gut that if I didn't get some rest, I might not have the strength to push Daphne out. I was really afraid I would come to that point and be too exhausted and that would be really bad, especially for Daphne. So around 2200 or 2230, I ended up getting an epidural. It took about half an hour to put in and Presbyterian Hospital (unlike OU Med Center) has a policy where the husband has to leave the room when the epidural gets placed. The nurse that was there was really awesome though. I had to sit on the edge of the bed while the anaethesiologist got the epidural ready and prepped my back, and the nurse held me (while I held the pillow) during each contraction. By this point I was shaking pretty badly during each contraction.

Once the epidural was in, Mike was allowed to come back in the room, and I was able to get some rest. Unlike the epidural I had with Edward (which was apparently a "dense epidural"), I could feel pressure when Daphne came down and prepared to come through the birth canal.

When I felt a lot of pressure, which was painful in a way, I told the nurse and she checked me and said that the baby was there. The midwife was called and I got into position and started pushing. After a few pushes, I asked for the birthing bar, which I thought helped a little bit. After maybe 20 or 30 minutes, I'm not really for sure (what laboring woman is totally aware of time??), the midwife thought that Daphne was facing up, so she suggested that I turn onto my side for a while to get Daphne to turn. The nurse and the midwife positioned me on my right side, but Daphne really did not like that and her heart rate dropped quite a bit. So the nurse and the midwife positioned me on left side, which my leg on a pillow on the little table that they have in the room. With the epidural in, there wasn't too much I could do to help them get me into any position.

I tried to use this time to get some extra rest and prepare myself mentally for pushing Daphne out. The ultrasound I had a day or two before had suggested that Daphne was going to be close to nine pounds. I pushed for four hours with Edward, who was eight pounds, so I was expecting to be pushing for quite a while. It was hard to rest with the painful pressure, but I tried to focus and block that out.

When the pressure was so great I thought I wouldn't be able to stand it for much longer, I told the nurse and she checked me and Daphne was definitely all set to come out. She paged the midwife. And the midwife didn't come. I got into a different position than before, this time very similar to the one I was in when I birthed Sophie - slightly on my back and side, holding my legs behind the knees. The nurse shadow (who was there with the nurse the whole time) paged the midwife again. After what seemed like a really long time but was probably only a few minutes, the midwife rushed in breathless. Apparently she had been down in the basement getting something . . .

So I was all set to push. I don't know how long I pushed, maybe a half hour, which isn't really very long. I do know that I was right about saving my strength because I definitely did not have much of that. There was a huge difference in the strength I had pushing Sophie and Edward out than what I had pushing Daphne out. During each push, I really had to pray really hard for enough strength for the next push. I had a pretty hard time pushing the way I knew that I needed to. And then just like that Daphne's head was out and one more push and she was completely out. I hardly had time to think except for "Wow! That was really fast! A lot faster than I thought it would be!" and the midwife was putting Daphne on my stomach.

On my stomach! What joy! What surprise! Daphne got to go right to my tummy! At first she was facing away from me, but she was pink! Pink! I don't know who cut the cord or what was going on because I was staring at my baby who could go right onto my stomach. I couldn't believe it. After a minute or two, but seemed like much longer, the midwife turned her around so I could look at Daphne's beautiful face.

She was so tiny, so beautiful and with a mess of dark hair. She was all slippery and warm and wet from being inside of me. I moved her up closer to my breasts and within a few minutes she was actually rooting around for my breast. I helped her to find my nipple and she latched on within a few minutes. Tears came to my eyes at the wonder of all this. At the ecstasy of having my newborn baby go right from the womb to my stomach to my breast. I remember looking at the midwife and saying that she got to go to my stomach; I just couldn't believe it and I was so joyful that I got to finally experience this beautiful moment.

Sometime during all this I passed my placenta and the midwife showed it to me. It was really neat, but I was totally engrossed in staring at Daphne and giving her kisses and holding her to me. My midwife said that I didn't tear at all, which I was relieved to hear.

The nurse brought blankets to cover Daphne and I with and after Daphne had nursed for a few minutes she went to sleep. I just stared at her and kissed her and told her how much I loved her and held her and cuddled with her. We got to stay like that for an hour or so, and the nurse had to take her to get her measurements and take her footprints and all that necessities that must be done after a baby is born in the hospital.

Truly words cannot adequately describe for me the emotions that I felt at having my daughter go to my tummy after she was born and then having her go to the breast. I wasn't able to experience that with Sophie or Edward because they both came out blue and needed to be worked on to get them breathing right after they were born. I am so incredibly grateful to the Lord that He allowed me to experience that with one of my children and what a beautiful experience it was. The Lord is so incredibly amazing in what He has created - not just in His creation of human beings, but in the experiences that He creates that we get to experience. Each one is such a gift. Who can say there is no God after having a child be born out of them? The way everything fits together when it all goes as it should. It is utterly amazing and truly a miracle each time a child makes its' way into the world.

From Psalm 8:1-4 (NIV)
LORD, our Lord,
   how majestic is your name in all the earth!
   You have set your glory
   in the heavens.
² Through the praise of children and infants
   you have established a stronghold against your enemies,
   to silence the foe and the avenger.
³ When I consider your heavens,
   the work of your fingers,
the moon and the stars,
   which you have set in place,
⁴ what is mankind that you are mindful of them,
   human beings that you care for them?^[c]

And thus, Daphne Elise was brought into the world at 1:36 AM, August 6th. :)

Writing, writing, writing

2011-10-16T21:42:00.000-05:00

I feel like I have such a longing to write (and read, but I've been able to do plenty of that), and I don't have a lot of time. Of course, who does with three children under three years old?

And not just blogging. I want to write a book. I've wanted to write a book since I was little, but I'm not good at telling stories. Now my brother, he could write stories for a living. (And he doesn't!) Anyway, that thought has never gone away. And in the past few months, I feel that I have a story to tell. A story that I know a lot of young women will identify with. Once again, there's that whole time thing . . .

On top of that, I keep having all these opportunities to publish a book come up. Well, I see them as opportunities. I got an email from Women of Faith about their author contest. And I got an email from Thomas Nelson Publishers to advertise Westbow Press on my blog (you'll see that soon) and Westbow, from what I can tell so far from their website, is all about publishing Christian themed books from people like me. (That is, ordinary people. I don't fancy myself to be a Francine Rivers or Kristen Hannah or anything.)

I do really love to write; that's one reason I started this blog all those years ago.

I get back to the time thing. I only have 24 hours in a day. Yes, the same as everyone else - it is a level playing field from there. It seems like I'm on the go, constantly moving, all day long though. That goes back to the three children under three years of age thing. I love my children and I love my life (well, maybe not the really chaotic moments - who likes a corticosteroid rush to the brain??), but I do yearn for some time to write. Maybe I should stop checking my emails first when I get on my computer. :)

As for what to write about - well, I've always had a few ideas swirling around in my head . . . And I will admit that part of it is getting the courage to put those thoughts of stories onto paper, or screen, I should say. Will they be good enough? Will people want to read them? I know that I'm not a natural story teller. And I know that I often lack vision. I've done better at writing when someone told me what to write about (i.e. a teacher at school or a college professor). I'm really hoping that I can start to get some things out and put together. :)

Free Range Dreams

2011-10-08T22:07:00.000-05:00

Free Range Dreams

:)

Book give away on Tervo Times :)

2011-09-25T14:07:00.000-05:00

I have SO MUCH to blog about, and I have been practically dying to blog for weeks, but life is not really allowing me to get much writing in lately . . . I hope that will change soon though!

In the meantime, my friend Sierra over at the Tervo Times is giving away a great book: A Heart for Freedom by Chai Ling. From Sierra's blog:
"The book is called "A Heart for Freedom" by Chai Ling. This woman was one of the key student leaders at Tiananmen Square when the massacre happened. Chai Ling shares her story with intimate detail and necessary background history. You feel like you know her. She tells of her childhood, what led her to become so involved with the student movement for more freedom in China, fleeing her country as a fugitive, and her life afterwards."

I hope you'll head on over to Sierra's blog and enter her give away!

In the meantime, after lunch and the kids go down for naps and after I nurse Daphne, but before we leave for Community Group, I will try to get some blogging in. I sure have missed all my blogger friends in the blogger world and I have really missed writing about life. :) Til then!

Stepping Stone Update

2011-09-06T21:52:00.000-05:00

After I had Sophie, I had fully intended to use my blog to update family and friends far, far away on how the children are doing and major milestones and cute things they do, etc. Unfortunately, I am a terrible slacker when it comes to writing about that.

I'm not really sure why . . . if it is just because I haven't had a chance when big things happen, or by the time I do have a chance, I've already told everyone about it in person (or no FB). Anyway, I really want to get better at that.

So here is a Stepping Stone Update (I call my children my Little Stepping Stones (thanks to my Mom) because they are so close together in age, born in 2009, 2010, and 2011.). (I am still completely amazed that I had three children in 28 months . . . just amazed . . . )

Sophie is saying more and more sentences and interacting a lot more to the environment around her, verbally that is. For example, tonight she threw her sippy (which she isn't supposed to do), and then said "get it, get it" to me, as I was nursing Daphne on the couch. It was right by my feet. I didn't comply and she came and got it. She also loves to talk about the rain. Being monsoon season here in the high desert, we have actually gone a bit of rain here this summer. So every afternoon when the clouds roll in (the big, dark ones), she gets all excited and points outside and says "rain, rain, rain" or asks "Is it raining?" She is also learning her colors and has mastered blue (her first color to learn), green, yellow and brown. She knows red, pink and purple, but gets them mixed up quite a bit. We're working on shapes. . . . Sophie also has a love of black pepper (like her mama) and if she sees the pepper, wants pepper on her food. Lots and lots of pepper. I don't have a problem with this. If it were salt, that would be a different story . . . Sophie is also a HUGE fan of cottage cheese (which she calls pepper because she puts so much pepper on it), sour cream (she'll it by itself for her entire meal if we let her) and honey. As a big sister, Sophie absolutely adores her little sister. When I am nursing Daphne on the couch, she'll come up to Daphne and very gently pat her back (like she sees me do when I'm burping her) and sing to her. It is so adorable. I'll have to get it on video sometime. We're hoping to get into some serious potty training soon. Sophie asks to go potty, it's us parents who need to be more serious and consistent. Two common questions right now that Sophie asks are "Is it cute?", referring to an outfit or hairbow, or "Is it cool?" - though with this she might be referring to temperature, because she sometimes asks "Is it hot?" I may be a bit early with this fear, but I hope she isn't getting to be too superficial. I don't want her to think that her worth is based on her looks. Sophie has also become very attached to her pillows (shaped like a butterfly and a flower) and likes to carry them around with her everywhere.

Sophie likes us to wrap her up in a blanket, like above, and then she'll plop down on her pillow.

Edward brought his blanket over and decided to come and join Sophie.

Edward is also learning his colors, but he is much more interested in shapes, specially circles. He refers to all circles as balls - for example, the wheels on the shopping cart are "balls". He loves to kick a ball around and will play soccer with Mike as often as he gets the chance. I think he's going to be quite athletic. Edward is also interested in the potty and tonight he told us he had a poopy diaper. The conversation went like this:

Me, holding Sophie, asked "Do you have a poopy diaper?".
Sophie remains silent, not wanting to be put down.
Edward, a few feet away pipes up and says "I do!" and pats his bottom. I checked his diaper and sure enough, he had a poopy diaper.

I think we'll be doing double potty training duty.

Edward also loves to read. He'll got and get a book or two and sit and read books for quite some time. I love it when Sophie and Edward are sitting together under the window by the bookshelf reading books together. Sometimes I"ll come over and join them and read to them or we'll sing some songs. Edward's lovies right now are Squawky, a Dr. Suess bird from Kohl's that he got for Christmas, and his green John Deere blanket that he got from my friend Lila. He has to have those to go to sleep and is often seen carrying them around in the house (sometimes high above his head).

Both Sophie and Edward love to dance. They will often ask Mike or myself to put on some music so that they can dance. Sophie will point to the TV and say "dance? dance?" If you mention dancing around Edward, he'll start dancing immediately, music playing or not. They also have a huge smile on their face and giggle and laugh when dancing. They even dance at the dining room table if you say the word "dance". And of course, there's the tickle monster. If I say "I'm going to get you . . " and hold out my index finger like a hook, they start giggling and drop to the floor laughing, usually before I get a chance to actually tickle them. It's a great mood changer when they are upset about something.

Daphne is getting bigger and bigger. She's gained a pound past her birth weight and is alert more and more often during the day. She's still eating every 1-4 hours, around the clock (read: no more than 3 hours sleep max at a time). She is one month old today and rolled over for the first time. We were doing tummy time, and she just rolled right over onto her back. I put her back on her tummy and she rolled over again. She repeated this a total of six times, two of which I caught on video. And she's already getting pretty talkative when she's awake. The first three weeks of her life, she just ate and slept and I was a little worried that she wasn't awake and alert very much. Turns out that's normal (my other two didn't do that), and she's finally having more awake, alert time. She's also tracking objects very well when I put infant toys in front her.

I am hoping to have finished her birth announcements pretty soon so I can mail those out to family and friends. I've been really scattered brain lately, and I have to find my notes at the same time that I have the computer on and time to finish the project. :)

Well, that's the update on the Stepping Stones. Hopefully I'll be more diligent about this. You know, now that I have my third child and all . . . :)

Food Budgeting Thoughts

2011-09-05T21:36:00.000-05:00

Just a quick post about food budgeting. :)

My friend Michelle told me about this really cool blog called 100 Days of Real Food, so I checked it out and it's a blog all about eating "real" food (i.e. natural or organic only, or less than six ingredients). There are a lot of recipes on there, one of which I have tried (banana bread), and it was pretty good. And very healthy. The author took a pledge to do 100 days of real food only - which she accomplished (she has rules listed on her site). Since organic food and other "real" foods are often expensive, she also did a 100 days of real food on a budget pledge. I liked the idea of that - except that her budget was $125/week for a family of four (two children under the age of 5).

Hmm . . .$125 . . . that would be about $50/week over my food budget right now. Not exactly what I call saving money. I do feel like I make healthy food for my family - we eat a lot of fresh fruits and veggies and eat whole grain breads, pastas and tortillas and brown rice. We don't eat boxed meals like Hamburger Helper. So I did feel better than I can feed my family a healthy diet (though not strictly organic or "real" food) for $75/week.

I do use coupons. I save on average 10% off my grocery bill with coupons. And $75/week doesn't include all toiletries, just some. In the age of extreme couponing though, I have felt like I don't do an adequate job saving money with my coupons. I get coupons from online, fliers and occasionally the newspaper. However, I won't use a coupon to buy something I normally wouldn't (like sugary cereals or three jars of mayo which we hardly ever eat), and I won't use a coupon just because I have it - i.e. if the store brand is cheaper, which is sometimes is, I'll buy the store brand. As I said, sometimes I just don't feel like I do a good enough job saving money. So after reading the 100 days of real food on a budget pledge, I felt better about how much I spend on groceries.

I will say that I participate in the WIC program, so I get my milk, eggs, cheese, cereal, juice, beans, fish and $23 of produce a month through them. I know that if I didn't participate in WIC, my grocery budget would have to greatly increase. I am grateful for the WIC program, although my political conscience is starting to get to me on that issue . . . more on that another day.

Well, I need to go and nurse Daphne. (Still nursing - she'll be one month old tomorrow! Praise the Lord!)

So what about you - what's your food budget? How do you stick to it?

Book Review - Surprised by Oxford by Carolyn Weber

2011-09-04T19:46:00.000-05:00

When I picked up Surprised By Oxford by Carolyn Weber, I wasn’t sure what to expect. I was definitely pleasantly surprised. Weber’s book is a memoir of her journey to faith during her first year at Oxford in England.

Weber walks her readers through her first year at Oxford, where she received a scholarship to study Romantic literature. Through an unlikely circumstance, she starts having ever-deeper conversations regarding faith with a new friend, TDH, which leads her to start asking questions about faith, the meaning of life and what it truly means to be a Christian and have a relationship with the Lord. Weber walks her readers through her questions, her doubts, her discoveries, her understanding covering the year in her life in which she found God.

I found Surprised By Oxford to be a refreshing view of the search for God through the eyes of an intelligent writer who diligently pursued her desire for deeper meaning. Weber’s book is witty and insightful; she writes honestly, voicing her doubt and working through it. Being a Romantic literature scholar, she frequently quoted poems and more from authors of that genre, always bringing everything back to her search for the Lord. She gives a portrait drawn from the heart of what it means to come to grips with faith and what it means to you.

I would highly recommend this book. I found it very hard to put down and thoroughly enjoyed reading it. I would especially recommend this book for those who are on their own search for the Lord and the meaning of life. Weber brings thoughtful insight to some big questions that many people out there are asking.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze.com <http://BookSneeze.com> book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 <http://www.access.gpo.gov/nara/cfr/waisidx_03/16cfr255_03.html> : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

I'm back! Thoughts breastfeeding, bonding and mothering

2011-09-03T15:00:00.000-05:00

Well, it has definitely been a while, but I am back. I should be napping, but I haven't blogged in so long and I was really missing blogging and connecting with the blog community.

Things are going well. I'm tired, but that's too be expected. Daphne is doing really well and has already gained a pound past her birth weight, which I am really excited about. (Also, just a note, when I am super tired, I tend to mix up words and skip words in sentences, and repeat myself, so if any of the afore mentioned happens in my blog, I apologize in advance.)

Daddy and Daphne (2 wks) napping together.

Love the expression! :)

The best news: I am breastfeeding! I am so excited that Daphne is four weeks old today and we are still breast feeding! This is a huge answered prayer for me, especially after the first week of trying to breast feed Daphne. I had so many problems with Sophie and ended up losing my milk supply at five weeks and I wasn't able to breast feed Edward at all, so I am just so happy that I am breast feeding, and NOT PUMPING! Yahoo! I don't have to pump to increase my supply and we're not supplementing anymore and I am just so excited.

Me, Daphne (under the nursing cover) (3 wks), Sophie (2 yrs) and Edward (17 mo) at the zoo.

The first week was pretty hard. After we got the home from the hospital, Daphne started fighting me when I would try to latch her on. Every single time. And by fighting, I mean refusing to latch on and screaming for up to 30 minutes, even when after she had eaten on one side already. I was getting so stressed out about it. The night before I had a lactation consultant appointment, we were up literally until 0500 (and by we, I mean myself, Daphne and Mike) because she was fighting me so badly. When I would finally get her on the breast, she would eat a little, come off and then we would start all over again. I ended up giving her a bottle at 0300, but she refuses to take a bottle for the most part, so that wasn't much of a help. In the late morning when I was trying to feed her, the fighting started up again and I just got so upset. I was crying and crying and I asked Mike to bring me a bottle to give her to, which she took and I literally just cried out to the Lord to please let me be able to breast feed her, I wanted so desperately to be able to breastfeed, especially knowing that she is most likely my last baby. Poor Mike felt so bad and he just hugged me, which I really needed.

So then we went to our lactation appointment and when the nurse asked me how things were going, the crying started all over again. I was pretty embarrassed, but I couldn't help it. She worked with us though and suggested that I have a 5 cc syringe of pumped breastmilk or formula ready and when I would try to latch Daphne on, give her a few drops to get her to start sucking. So we did that for the next week or so and gradually, slowly, she needed less and less cc's to get her to latch on and she fought me less and less. Now I don't have to do that at all, and she doesn't fight me, unless I'm really tense (like when I went to the movies) or she's really hot under the nursing cover (like when we were at the zoo and it was 90* outside yesterday morning). I also joined a breast feeding support group at the hospital, and that has really helped too. And I've met some really cool moms there too.

Breast feeding is just such a unique, intimate bond between a mom and a baby. Even though I did breastfeed Sophie for five weeks, I don't think I really understood that until now, with Daphne. Daphne actually prefers me to a bottle. I love that. Like I wrote above, I'm not pumping at all, so I don't have anything saved up for if I'm out or something, so I end up taking Daphne with me everywhere. I don't mind that at all. I love that I have been able to breastfeed her in public. It's hard, but we've been able to do it. I've fed her at Target, at Waffle House, at the zoo, at PWOC at the chapel, at church, at a friend's house - and I didn't give up and just give her formula. I have a beautiful nursing cover that Sierra made for me and it has been great. I'm still getting the hang of using it super efficiently, but I think I'm getting better at it every time I use it.

I have also come to see why the Lord made it so demanding on the mom when you have a baby - you and that new baby go through a lot together the first few months of life. You go through the experience of pregnancy, then labor and delivery, which is one of the hardest things a woman may do in her life, regardless of how she delivers, and then after doing all that work, you're up every 1-3 hours for the next several weeks and/or months. You have the baby with you all the time. I kind of equate it to going through a really tough, grueling experience with another person in which you forge a bond of trust and mutual understanding. It's hard, it's tough, but you're both there, all the time. You learn from each other, and in the case of a mom and new baby, the baby is totally dependent on you for everything. Such a strong bond is forged during this time. Throw in the all the new mom hormones and you've got the super glue that holds it all together and sets it in for life. It's really pretty amazing when you think about it.

Mike and Daphne (3 wks)

Wearing Daphne at the zoo. I wear her everywhere in this wrap - it's great!

Daphne in the wrap. As you can see, she is quite content! :)

I am also doing more attachment parenting with Daphne than I did with Sophie and Edward. And I have to say that I really love how attachment parenting makes for a more content baby. Like with Sophie and Edward, I feed on demand going off of hunger cues (not crying), and I wear Daphne a lot. The biggest difference is that Daphne is co-sleeping with Mike and I. Sophie did sleep in bed with Mike and I for the first month, but we had made her a little pallet in between us (after she graduated from the basket after the first 10 days). With Daphne, I just swaddle her and lay her right down in between us. I actually sleep better with her there. And so does she. I do have a co-sleeper next to the bed, but she doesn't sleep as well in it, and every little sound that she makes, I would wake up and check on her to see if she was ready to eat. Well, newborn babies make all kinds of little cooing sounds in their sleep, so you can imagine how little sleep I was getting. I needed to sleep. So I put her down next to me in bed. I do sleep with my arm in such a way that I can't physically roll over in the direction of Daphne. And I don't sleep with my back to her. And sometimes I sleep with her in the crook of my arm, or on top of me (when I'm propped up on a lot of pillows). With Sophie and Edward, I was too paranoid to just put them down in bed with us, but I don't feel as paranoid with Daphne. Although with Edward, after a few months, I would end up falling asleep feeding him, so he did end up sleeping in bed with us for part of the night, I just didn't start off that way. I do pray before we go to sleep, just like I have just about every night since Sophie was born. I don't know if I would advocate co-sleeping for everyone - I would say that it is a very personal decision. Sophie slept fantastically in the pack n play next to the bed, as did Edward. I'm sure Daphne will too, when she's a little older. For now though, I'm just enjoying cuddling with my precious baby all night. And at nap time. :)

Daphne this morning (4 wks old)

Speaking of Sophie and Edward, they are a great big sister and brother. Sophie is especially interested in Daphne. She likes to stroke her hair and she holds up toys for her to look at, which is so sweet. She really likes to hold her as well. Edward likes to put his head down next to Daphne when I'm feeding her, although I have to watch him. Both of them say "baby, baby" when I come in the room with Daphne. They have even asked about her when I came downstairs without her once. It's really sweet. I'm so glad that they are interested in Daphne and don't ignore her and don't try to hurt her. I know that when Daphne gets older, they are all going to get along so well. It's going to be so awesome watching them grow up together. I'm pretty excited about it. :)

Nikki bought me a new wrap, which I really love. It's a Wrapsody by WearYourBaby. It's very similar to the Moby wrap, but the fabric is lighter, so you and baby don't get as hot in it. And it's really beautiful. I'm so grateful to have it! And Daphne loves being worn in it too. :)

Well, that's it for now. I need to give Daphne a bath and hopefully I can still get a nap in. :) I'll be posting Daphne's birth story pretty soon. :)

Introducing Daphne Elise!

2011-08-11T22:45:00.000-05:00

Daphne has arrived!

She was born 6 Aug 2011, at 39 weeks and 1 day, at 1:36 am.

She was . . .

7 lb 12 oz

20.5 inches long

was born at Presbyterian Hospital

Albuquerque, New Mexico.

She has lots and lots of thick, soft black hair and bluish - brown eyes.

She has Mike's long fingers and toes

and my nose (well, actually she looks a lot like I did when I was born) :)

She is very strong and can already hold her head up fairly well for a few seconds;

she definitely has a lot of spirit!

The birth went really well, and I will blog about the birth story in a later post (not tonight, because Daphne will be waking up to eat pretty soon).

As when Sophie and Edward were born, my love for Mike has just multiplied so much. I love to look at him as he holds Daphne and looks at her and I can see the love for her in his eyes and face and the gentle way the has with her. Truly, just when you think you can't love someone any more, you learn that you can.

I absolutely love the way that the Lord multiplies love when you have children. When you have your first child, you think how can I possibly love another child as much as this one? Then you have another child, and you find that your love multiplies and you love two children so much that you think sometimes your heart might burst with the joy of it. And you think, how can I possibly love a third the way I love the first two? And then you have a third child and wow, boy you love that child just as much as you loved the first one when they arrived into the world.

I never knew how much love I could possess and give for another person until I loved Mike, and then had children with him. And I think about the Lord, and how He loves us so much more than that - it truly is unfathomable how much He loves us. And what a beautiful example of His love that He gives us in our spouses and children. A love so amazing indeed! :)

Adoring Daddy :)

Very tired, but very content. Daphne is about 13 hours old in this picture.

Sophie and Edward are quite excited about their baby sister and are very interested in her.

The first time Sophie met her, she said "Mommy's baby!". And Edward laid his head very gently down on Daphne in the sweetest way (while Mike was holding her) and was all smiles and excited about her. Even though he is only 16 months old, I think he knows exactly what is going on and that he is a big brother now. I am so grateful that they have accepted her and are interested in her. I am really looking forward to watching the three of them grow up together. :)

We're a family of five! The very first family picture, of many to come!

Daphne, five days old. She always had a hand up by her face in her ultrasound pics, and she still loves to have it up there now. :)

Daphne, 4 days old. :)

My amazing friend Sierra watched Sophie and Edward for us again when I was in the hospital giving birth to Daphne. I am so incredibly thankful for this wonderful woman who continually gives so selflessly! Thank you so much Sierra! :D

I am so incredibly grateful to all the people who were praying for Daphne and I the past few months. The Lord has been so faithful in hearing your prayers and has answered them so mercifully! Thank you so much to everyone who prayed for us - I truly can not express how grateful I am for your faithfulness as prayer warriors. Thank you for praying Daphne into the world! :)

Here's an update on Daphne's health, since there were some concerns when I was pregnant:

After she was born, she had an ultrasound of her heart, abdomen (for her liver) and sacrum (she has a really deep sacral dimple) and everything looked good. Her liver is slightly enlarged, but within normal limits. Her heart is where it is supposed to be and her sacrum is fine (no opening).

She does have a slight heart murmur and her echocardiogram showed some "transitional normalities", which basically means all the holes in her heart that are open while in utero (that's normal) that are supposed to close after birth are still open. So we have to follow up with the cardiologist in a month just to watch them. This is hereditary and I was born with the same thing (and I'm fine and never had any problems). We're also following up with the kidney doc in a month to do another ultrasound because they couldn't see the bottom of her kidneys on the abdominal ultrasound, so they just want to repeat it to make sure nothing is going on.

She also lost more weight than they would like (9% instead of 5%), so we're working on that . . . more on the breastfeeding issues in another post . . .

Overall though, she is a healthy and very strong little girl! I am so grateful to the Lord for this amazing and precious gift of a daughter! Thank you Lord for a healthy baby! :D

Psalm 92:1-5 (italics mine)

¹ It is good to praise the LORD
   and make music to your name, O Most High,
² proclaiming your love in the morning
   and your faithfulness at night,
³ to the music of the ten-stringed lyre
   and the melody of the harp.

⁴ For you make me glad by your deeds, LORD;
I sing for joy at what your hands have done.
⁵ How great are your works, LORD,
how profound your thoughts!